


Fight Club

by CelestialQueen



Category: Gintama
Genre: Action/Comedy, Dadtoki, F/M, Shinsengumi family feels, Yorozuya Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialQueen/pseuds/CelestialQueen
Summary: It was really all their bosses' faults.Struck with a bolt of obviouslypure genius, Kagura and Sougo decide to get rich quick by running a totally legitimate fight ring to have people bet on the fights they would've had anyway. With Shinpachi as their manager, repressed mushy feelings, and criminals as their fanbase, what could possibly go wrong?





	1. Money Makes the World Go Round

As usual when it came to the two of them, it started with a crash and a bloody nose. Kagura and Sougo collided into one another heads buried in their respective magazines and the world blurring around them. Flat on her back, Kagura launched up jabbing an accusing finger into the frazzled cop’s chest, ignoring how his own hands flew to staunch the blood gushing from his nose. “Stupid cop! Watch where you’re going! You could’ve killed me, yes!” 

Kicking up a knee to punch into her stomach, Sougo tried to sneer behind his fists and the growing blood clot he could he feel between his fingers, but failed miserably. “ME? I’m the one bleeding!” his nasally voice disgusted the red haired girl who sneered before cracking her knuckles.

“Not bleeding enough as far as I’m concerned, yes.” Suddenly, her rage dissipated as her eyes shot to the floor, looking positively scandalized, “You’re bleeding all over my magazine you stupid Chihuahua!” she shrieked, sweeping Sougo away with an unforgiving kick and throwing herself to the ground to save the precious pages.

But instead of her prized copy of Snacks Snacks Snacks, she had herself a handful of Weapons Monthly, featuring a shiny neon green bazooka next to a lion for scale. A really, really big lion. That couldn’t possibly be legal. Kagura’s nose wrinkled. “What’s this trash?”

Swiping the magazine from her grip, Sougo hugged it protectively to his chest, his nose now clean of the blood and his hands only slightly stained. “Don’t taint this with your filthy alien germs China. Your rag is over there.” Following the path his finger forged, Kagura scurried over, a gluttonous glee shining in her eyes as she pored over the pictures.

Only a little curious, but mostly bored, Sougo glanced over her shoulder, feeling stupid at how he didn’t guess it’s contents right away. As it turns out, the china girl wasn’t the only freak obsessed with snacks. Apparently, there was enough of a fanbase to make a magazine about it. Vaguely, Sougo wondered if she stole it. Considering he knew for a fact she didn’t have enough for noodles let alone a glossy magazine. It was then that the vibrant ad with huge yellow writing and too many exclamation marks than could possibly be necessary caught his eye and Sougo knew exactly what she was salivating for. “There’s no way you can afford that.” Better to crush her dreams early, he was being kind really.

Kagura stuck out her tongue, “Oh, because you can afford that bazooka?” 

Sougo jerked back, quirking his lip and refusing to look at her. “I’m a cop. I actually have money unlike you.”

Kagura’s eyes rolled, looking equally condescending as she did obnoxious. “Except you spend all your money on pranking that Mayora, yes.” She scoffed, sticking her nose in the air, “Tch. All men are terrible with money, yes.”

“He just won’t die!” Sougo insisted, looking affronted at her lack of faith and petulant at his failures. 

“You’re a sadist!” she shrieked, “A super sadist!” 

“Well you’re a glutton! You’re gonna get so big we’re going to have you roll you around town!”

Kagura stormed forward, forehead pressed up against his in a battle for dominance. “Hahhh?” she drawled, “You trying to pick a fight you shitty brat?”

But Sougo’s fist was already flying towards her ribcage and Kagura flipped backwards, getting in a cheap uppercut to his jaw with her foot before he slammed her down. Rolling out of the way of a very near lethal sword jab, Kagura’s umbrella swooped up to defend a lightening swipe at her head. The two danced around the park, kicking into the air, flipping to avoid attacks and shooting bullets and slashing with swords. The sweat accumulated on Kagura’s brow, a bright bruise darkening her cheek and her breath coming out in harsh gasps. Across from her, Sougo looked no better, sporting a slight limp on his left side and nose crusty with dried blood. 

“You look like shit.” She smirked.

Sougo scoffed, charging at her again. “Pitiful.” He mourned, “You’re losing in the fight so you need to resort to petty insults?” he shook his head, “Sad.”

Kagura’s fist slammed squarely into his jaw and he winced, flying back and hitting a tree. “Who’s losing?” and her smile was sickeningly sweet and too gloating to be humble. 

Sougo growled, ready to spew profanities before he noticed what was happening around them and a brilliant idea hit him like a meat cleaver, or maybe something gentler, like a surprise kiss. Or something like that. Grabbing Kagura firmly around her waist, he pulled the girl up against his chest, locking her neck in an elbow hold and directing her gaze just a little aways. “China, look.” 

Kagura squirmed, considering biting down on his sleeve, but Sougo’s tone caught her. “What do you want Sadist? Afraid of losing so you’re making stories up?” she sniffed, “Pitiful.” 

Sougo’s grip tightened around her neck as he clicked his tongue, “Can you use your brain for just three seconds, look at what those guys are doing.” Considering it safe enough to lift a hand away from restraining the volatile Yato, Sougo pointed right at two guys glancing around like hooligans up to no good.

“They’re handing each other money.” Kagura stated, as though forcing her to observe the world was the most menial of tasks and beneath her infinitely superior stature.

Sougo sighed. “They’re betting. On us.” He emphasized, waiting for the same idea to occur to Kagura as well. 

Normally, Sougo would seize this opportunity and completely neglect anyone who stood in his way. But he figured the petrifying rage that would overtake the girl if she found out he was getting rich off her behind her back might literally destroy the town, so decided against it. Considering the Shinsengumi were barely breaking even as it was with repair costs and God knows the Yorozuya boss couldn’t afford a new toothbrush let alone construction work, Sougo figured it was the best course of action. Honestly they were all just one more mass destruction to public property incident away from exile. 

Kagura blinked, her tension seeping out of her muscles. “Oh. Oh my God.” Whirling around in his grip, Kagura’s nose was an inch away. 

Sougo swallowed, wondering when her eyes had gotten so blue, like the universe’s nebulas had collapsed within them, blowing a fog of star dust and all of the world’s secrets around in its depths. Kagura licked her lips and something in Sougo lurched. And died as Sougo repressed it all the way. “We need Shinpachi.” 

Sougo was dumbfounded. 

“What.” And his deadpan was so flat Kagura was certain a kitten died somewhere. 

“Shinpachi.” Kagura repeated, her eyes glowing alight with an idea that was spiralling out of control like a snowball over a mountain face, “He can be our manager! And he doesn’t even need a cut because what do glasses even need besides cleaning spray!” 

Sougo’s brows arched, nodding in consideration. “Ah.” He stated, “So the pig is more than just her stomach after all.” 

Sougo woke up a minute later, head planted firmly in a tree and Kagura speed walking like a mafia leader out on a revenge mission towards the gamblers. Groaning, Sougo rubbed his skull, flinching as he brushed away bits of bark from his hair. He watched with some sort of oh-no-I-should-probably-go-over-there-and-stop-a-future-murder expression but decided he was too tired to care. Kagura, two feet shorter and three times skinner, grabbed the first guy’s collar and pulled him down to her level. To his credit, he only looked slightly terrified considering he probably knew her fists could topple buildings and countries. “Hey you.” Sougo cringed, Kagura could do many things, but a good gangster impression was not one of them, “How much have you two been making on us? Huhhh??” her nose was dangerously close to the man’s face, making him go cross-eyed in fear.

“N-not much! Only two hundred!” he squeaked, arms twitching at his sides.

“Two hundred!” She yelled, releasing him unceremoniously. “Holy crap.” She whispered. “How many other losers do this?” she demanded, this time victimizing his friend.

“Lots of people. Lots of others. It isn’t just us!” he insisted, hands pressed together desperately. 

Kagura’s hand found her chin, stroking it like she’d seen detectives do on VT, “Oh man I’m gonna be so rich, yes.” Pointing her finger at the two of them, Sougo only felt a little afraid at her slightly crazy expression, “Listen here maggots! You let everyone you know that betting on me and the Sadist’s fighting is ILLEGAL unless it goes through our management.” Leaning in closer, she cracked her knuckles, a smile too wide and too ferocious spreading across her face, “And if either that guy or I find out someone’s been making money off us without giving us a cut, they’ll be sorry.” 

Squealing, the two nodded profusely before running away tails between their legs. Satisfied, Kagura turned her power hungry gaze back onto Sougo, sauntering back over to him. Sighing, Sougo dropped his head back down. Kagura prodded him with her foot, “Hey, Sadist, get up. We have work to do.” Her smile had normalized somewhat and the wind was doing lovely things to her hair. 

Figuring what the hell, Sougo sat up, planting his hands firmly on her shoulders, “China, what we’re about to do is slightly-”

“Try very”

“-Illegal but it’s all Hijikata-san’s fault for not paying me enough.” He concluded, looking thoroughly convinced in his hole ridden argument. 

Kagura’s hands whacked his away with the speed of a starving Gin craving sugar, “You’re the worst cop that’s ever lived.” She said scathingly, “But the whole Shinsengumi is corrupt so even if we’re caught it’ll be fine.” She paused, “Even if it isn’t, Gin-chan and Shinpachi will break me out of jail anyway.” 

“So it’s a go then?” 

“Of course. We’re calling a temporary truce.” Kagura grinned, all teeth and cheer.

Sougo’s heartbeat boomed in his ears but ignoring it, he tried his best to smirk and held out a fist. “Partners then.” Kagura’s fist bumped against his own before smashing into his face.

Clutching furiously at his nose, Sougo’s glare was more petulant than angry. “What was that for?!” 

“For holding me funny before perverted Sadist!” Kagura stuck out her tongue before running away. Watching her leave for only a second, Sougo let himself fall back down again. That brat…she had no idea.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Pssst, Shinpachi.” 

Shinpachi glanced up from his dusting, trying to locate the face behind the voice. Frowning, he stepped forward only to be confronted with a whisper shriek, “No!! Behind you! Behind you!” 

Slowly, and not without a little trepidation- he could still pretend he didn’t notice and go on with his day- Shinpachi turned around, spotting Kagura hidden behind the coat rack underneath an oversized purple jacket that a client left two years ago and never returned for. Kagura gestured for him to come closer fervently, sporadically looking left and right like she was a fugitive. Honestly, it wouldn’t be the most shocking thing that would’ve occurred in this house. 

“Hello Kagura-chan.” He greeted, bending down to meet her at eye-level and not just a little bemused.

Waving him closer, Kagura’s voice lowered, “You looking to make some extra cash on the side?” she asked shiftily, looking more sketchy than helpful.

Shinpachi cringed, eyebrow twitching, an uncomfortable laugh already bubbling in his throat. “What-”

Kagura’s hand launched out, covering his mouth, eyes burning earnestly from behind neon purple feathers. “Otsu has a new concert in three months doesn’t she?” and from her smirk, Shinpachi knew that she knew that he knew that she knew she had 100% won. 

So that’s how he found himself hiding with Kagura in the trash alley, the one place Gin would never go voluntarily, hunching forwards as Kagura whispered her and Sougo’s money-making scheme. It was quite possibly the worst plan he ever heard, but Kagura knew him better than anybody and dangled all his desires right in front of him.

“Imagine buying backstage VIP passes.” She signed dramatically, hands clasped beneath her chin like a Disney princess singing about love at first sight, “That’d really take your fan club to the next level, yes.”

Shinpachi could literally feel his resolve weaken by the second as he lost himself in his fantasy. “We’re definitely gonna get caught Kagura-chan. If Gin-san finds out...” He paused, looking green at his next thought, “When Hijikata-san finds out!!” 

Kagura shrugged without a care, “So they lecture us, we’ll still be filthy rich. Otsu rich.” Her smile was sly and so obviously manipulative. 

And Shinpachi was sold. (he was a lot of things and a sucker was one of them, everyone has weaknesses!!). 

“It’s really all that lazy boss’ fault.” He justified, feeling like if he nodded hard enough he’d believe it.

“Exactly.” Kagura confirmed, nodding along with him. “If anyone is breaking the law, it’s Gin-chan, yes. Not paying his workers. Disgusting.” 

Shinpachi paused, “We should make a banner. And get a box.” Kagura cocked her head, “For the money.” He elaborated. 

Brightening, Kagura clapped him on the shoulder, “Shinpachi! I knew you’d be perfect for the job! Let’s go to Zura’s! We can use Elizabeth’s stuff!” 

“Maybe we should call ahead first?” But Kagura had already started running. 

Shaking his head, but feeling just a little excited and ready for the fun, Shinpachi sprinted on after her. Really, how bad could an underground fight club really be? 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As it turned out, an underground fight ring ended up being the best idea Sougo and Kagura had ever had. Two days of spreading information using Zura’s network and the Shinsengumi’s moles- (no it wasn’t corruption!) (well…maybe it was)(but considering a cop was the main fighter it’s really the least of everyone’s problems)- there was quite the fine turnout at the warehouse building chosen to be the fighting ring. The advertising was pretty incredible Shinpachi had to say. Framing it as in illegal immigrant Yato versus the top swordfighter of the famed Shinsengumi was just too good a fight to miss. Not to mention Shinpachi’s incredible sign making abilities that he sat proudly under at the entrance, carefully cataloging people’s names and hiding away the money. “Here’s you ticket stub.” He said cheerily, handing a scaly alligator like Amanto his proof of payment and gesturing to the ring the three of them had built together, “Enjoy the fight!” 

At exactly half past five, the doors were officially shut and bidding closed as Shinpachi made his way to the ring, noting the feral, but still excited, expressions of the two inside it. Holding out a megaphone, he coughed, grabbing everyone’s attention and spread his arm out dramatically. “Welcome to the first fight of the season!” The crowd cheered, hoping for blood and sweat and if they were lucky, some broken bones. 

“If you don’t know already, in the left corner, we have Okita Sougo, the Shinsengumi’s top swordsman with the highest kill record in the force. In the right corner, we have Kagura, one of the last remaining Yato, a deadly war mongering race whose violent tendencies are renowned across the galaxy.” Turning to his friends, Shinpachi raised his hand into the air. “Fighters! Get ready!” pausing to build just the right amount of suspense, Shinpachi abruptly swung his hand down, “GO!” the crowd roared in approval before blinking in shock.

One second, the two were in the corner and in one collective breath, they were both in the centre, like lightening bolts, dangerous and quick. Fists flew and kicks blocked. Jumping up, Kagura whipped a kick at Sougo’s head, using his side dodge to flip over him using his shoulder as a jumping board. Smirking, Sougo grabbed at her foot, throwing her to the ground, foot ready to stomp on her face before her fist shot up and bent in his knee. 

Rolling away from her, Sougo’s sword clashed against the side of Kagura’s umbrella as she stuck it into the ground, swinging her body around to slam her legs into his side sending him flying into the ropes at the ring side. The crowd thundered in its approval, feet stomping and arms waving. Wiping the sweat from his eyes, Sougo hung his shoulders low, his eyes focused in their calculations. Waiting for Kagura to run at him in that usual headstrong way of hers, Sougo bent low tackling her to the ground and punching her right in the face. Childishly shocked, Kagura’s expression forced a snort from the boy before he winced in pain as Kagura slugged him right back. 

Back in the booth, Shinpachi counted the money they had made and felt his excitement increase with every dollar he put aside. They had decided to take 10% of all bets made to start out and feel out the crowd and truly, five hundred dollars wasn’t a bad way to start out the first night. This… this could honestly go somewhere. The plan, ignoring the hell they would be put through if they got caught, was just a little genius. Kagura, a fighting monster in her own right, would heal right up and was great viewing bait because nothing fascinated people more than a little girl beat the shit out of a man in power. And Sougo, to his credit, could sustain a whole lot of damage before really feeling it and had proven to be able to hold his own against Kagura on several occasions. Him being a cop didn’t hurt either. It didn’t hurt at all considering the jeers and cheers from the crowd. 

“Beat the pig!” a scarred gangster wannabee yelled, waving his bandana in the air.

“Kick her in the stomach boy!” 

“Behind you! Behind you!” 

Though Shinpachi didn’t exactly like the way these nobodys and delinquents were talking about his friends, he resolved that if Sougo and Kagura didn’t mind, then he wouldn’t either. A sharp shout caught his attention as he saw Sougo grinning sadistically down at Kagura whose face was pressed into the mat, her arms pulled tightly behind her, Sougo’s foot in her back. “Too bad little miss piggy. You lose.” He taunted.

Boos were heard intermittently in the crowd though others praised Sougo’s skills instead. Kagura growled, squirming beneath him as he counted to five like they agreed. As he finished, half the crowd cheered while the others glared at the floor, shoving their friends half-heartedly at their teasing for losing their money. Readying his customer service smile, Shinpachi took back all his ticket stubs from the lucky winners, handing everyone their cash with a quick smile and encouragement to come again. “You know,” said one of the final bidders, “You guys should sell snacks or something. Maybe some sake.” Shinpachi really didn’t think adding alcohol into this equation would be a good idea, but nodded anyway. 

“Thanks for the suggestion, we’ll definitely take it into consideration.” 

The man shrugged, “So this happens every Wednesday and Saturday?” 

“That’s right!”

“Well you might want to consider jazzing it up a little. Watching the same two people fight is gonna get boring after a while. Those two’s spars are legendary but they’re pretty evenly matched.” Shinpachi quieted and the man took his cue to leave.

Honestly, he was probably right, if they wanted to stay in business, they needed to stay one step ahead of peoples’ ever decreasing attention spans. Eventually, the crowd cleared out and Shinpachi headed towards his friends, still in the ring. Twisting so that she faced the ceiling, Kagura wiped the blood dribbling from her chin, accepting the water bottle Shinpachi handed to her with a smile. Chugging it, she tossed it over to Sougo, not too sorry when it hit his head and fell straight to the ground. Sougo pursed his lip, finishing the bottle and tossing it back to the ground. “So?” he drawled, leaning back on his hands. 

“We made five-hundred today, which I think is a good start. Your fight was great Kagura-chan, Okita-san.” 

“Wasn’t I great Shinpachi! When I did that swirling kick, I think someone fainted from the coolness.”

Sougo curled his nose, “More like fainted from your stench.” He waved his hand in front of his nose, loving how riled up she got.

“Jerk.” 

“Pig.” He shot back.

Sighing, Shinpachi pushed forward, ignoring their idiocy. “So I was thinking that for the next fight, we could make it more interesting by including the audience.” 

Kagura blinked, “You want us to fight all those weaklings?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Then?” Sougo pushed, already looking bored.

“I mean,” Shinpachi stressed, “That just you two fighting all the time is bound to get boring. So to make it interesting, after every fight, we can ask people to submit a challenge for the next fight. Make it a bidding war. Whoever pays the most gets to pick. So for example, maybe you have to both fight blindfolded or on one leg.”

“That’s the stupid thing I’ve ever heard.” Sougo and Kagura deadpanned simultaneously turning to each other looking more judgemental by the second.

“He wants us to fight on one leg.” Kagura insulted, an annoying expression tightening her face.

“How are we supposed to do that? Bunny hop?” Sougo’s hand pretended to try and hide his words.

“This isn’t a dance Shinpachi. Sheesh.” 

Boiling point reached, Shinpachi’s hands lashed out, thwacking them both on the head in one swoop, a blank expression on his face. “Why is it that you two are only friends when you want to bother me.” 

Kagura blinked. “What do you mean?” her arm wrapped around Sougo’s neck pulling him closer though Shinpachi could’ve sworn he saw a repressed need to kill.

“We’ve always been best friends.” Sougo finished, looping his arm around Kagura’s shoulders and trying to pretend he didn’t shudder at the contact. 

Their twin looks of mischief sent Shinpachi into another sighing spiral as he found his head once again in his palms. “You two are so tiring it’s unbelievable.” 

“It’s a good idea though Pachi-boy. It’ll be fun! I can’t wait to beat the Sadist with one hand.” 

“You just lost China.” Sougo deadpanned, “Right now. Ten minutes ago. I had your face on the floor as you groveled in your defeat.”

Kagura’s fist shook, “Who’s groveling???” Sougo grinned widely as he jumped up sprinting over the cable barrier as Kagura gave chase, shooting bullets at him haphazardly, steam bursting from her ears. 

Somewhat fondly, Shinpachi looked on before making a mental note to have guests sign waivers on their way in. It was really just a matter of time before someone got shot or stabbed if he was being honest. As a bullet scraped by his ear, he shrieked, yelling abominations as Sougo and Kagura laughed at his expense around him. Honestly. They were the absolute worst friends to have. But as Kagura grabbed onto his arm and smiled at him like he was her favourite thing and Sougo sauntered next to them hands clasped behind his head, Shinpachi knew he wouldn’t trade them for the world. “So should we get ramen to celebrate?” 

Sougo snickered, “You’re paying right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the first instalment of my newest okikagu multific! This idea has been cooking in my head for a while and I'm excited to announce that this isn't another slowburn okikagu fic. I want to try writing their actual relationship when they're a couple and see how the dynamic changes.  
> Also in case you can't already tell, I'm a sucker for Shin/Sou/Kag brotp, I just think they make the best best friends and it's super fun to write them like that. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me if you want any specific challenges you want our favourite couple to do!


	2. In Which Shinpachi Does Everything

Shinpachi bit his lip, tapping his pen on his knee as his brain raced through anything he might’ve forgotten. “Did you remember the drinks, yes?” Kagura drawled, sprawled across the couch opposite of him.

“Check.” He replied.

“The nachos?”

“Check.”

“The nacho _dip_.” 

A sigh. “Check.”

A very annoyed click of the tongue. “A personality then, yes?” 

Lip pulled back, Shinpachi’s pen flew at Kagura with the precision of a dagger. It was useless though, not that he had any expectations (that was the key to happiness you know) and the pen burrowed it’s way neatly into the wall behind her. “That’s it!” he cried, smacking his fist into his open palm, “Pens!” 

Kagura looked bored. “Oh, how exciting.” 

Finishing the last of the list, Shinpachi looked it over one more time before a lazy voice just on the brink of curiosity spoke behind him, “What kind of shopping list is that Shinpachi, you opening a club or something?” Shinpachi froze, turning his head jerkily to see Gin’s dead fish eyes staring right at him and his incriminating stupidly not in code list. 

As usual under pressure, Shinpachi’s smile looked brutally forced and his laughter short and choppy. “Ahhahahaha! Gin-san, you’re so funny. Between this and the dojo and of course doing the chores in both houses, not to mention being the leader of Otsu-chan’s biggest fanclub and also making sure you and Kagura-chan stay alive and making sure Kondo-san isn’t in my house stalking my sister and of course we can’t forget all the nice things I do for people because ahahah a samurai must always help those in need, where do you think I’d have the time to run a club?” By the time he was done he was blue in the face and starting to forget what air felt like in his lungs but the concerned expression (read what the hell is wrong with you face) proved him to be in the clear.

“You need a life Pachi-boy.” Gin said finally, shaking his head as though in mourning.

“Or a girlfriend!” Kagura chirped, grinning gleefully at Shinpachi’s betrayed glare. 

“One step at a time Kagura. A man can’t leap through life, but must inch his way up through his own strength!” Gin posed as though giving some grand speech at a banquet hall in the presence of all the world leaders and their beautiful spouses as he was given the most prestigious award in the universe. “Of course, some people take longer than others, it takes them years to move an inch! Our Shinpachi might never get past the cherry boy stage.” Hands clutched beneath his chin, Gin turned dramatically to the window, letting the sun hit his face at the most melancholic angle. 

Furious, Shinpachi whipped a pillow in his direction, “Says the man who hasn’t had a girlfriend ever!”

Gin looked aghast. “How do you know that?! You don’t know that!”

“You admitted it!” Shinpachi really deserved an award for how accusatory he could make pointing, “Right now!” 

Kagura picked her ear fluctuating between looking disgusted and bored and decided to settle on superior. “Ahhah, look at you poor scum at the bottom of the barrel. Don’t worry, I won’t let you die all alone, you can live in my basement when I’m rich and famous.” She boasted, fanning herself casually with Shinpachi’s list. 

“You’ve never dated anyone either!” They yelled at her in unison.

Jerking up, Kagura’s brows furrowed, “I have too, yes! I dated that giant boy who almost destroyed the earth remember!”

“That doesn’t count!” Shinpachi shrieked, “No way. Absolutely not! Crazy genocidal aliens don’t count!”

“That’s rude! He’s still a person!” 

Gin looked disappointed. “I’m ashamed of you Shinpachi. You can’t just take away a person’s personhood. A person is a person.” 

Flabbergasted and caught between two idiots, Shinpachi threw his hands in the air. “I give up! You two morons are impossible!” Grabbing his list from the floor where Kagura dropped it, he whirled around, making a point to grab Gin’s wallet as he went, “I’M GOING SHOPPING!” He yelled, mainly for the theatrics.

“BRING BACK SWEETS!” Gin hollered back, because he lived for the drama too.

“SUKONBU!” Kagura’s roar shook the walls of the house Shinpachi was pretty sure, but unfazed, he refused to look back.

“FINE YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS, BUT DINNER BETTER BE READY WHEN I GET BACK! AND YOU’RE COMING WITH ME KAGURA-CHAN!”

“OH YEAH! I JUST NEED MY UMBRELLA!”

“FINE! I’M MAKING HOT POT SO DON’T BE LATE OR IT’LL BE COLD!”

“FINE!”

“FINE!”

The door slammed shut. 

The two kids leaned against the door heaving in relief. “That was close.” Kagura whispered.

Shinpachi sighed into his hands. “And who’s fault is it anyways!” 

Kagura clicked her tongue, finger stuck up her nostril, “Shut it glasses, we’re gonna miss open hours.” 

Grumbling, Shinpachi bounded next to her, the two of them settling into a leisurely pace to the supermarket. The second they entered the store, Shinpachi’s Ultra Housewife Mode spurred into action, his eyes immediately scanning for sales and overpriced nonsense to disregard. With one eye on the aisles and the other on Kagura and her sneaky hands, he was ready to take on even the homeliest of mothers. Of course, it wasn’t long before Kagura tried to cheat. 

“Kagura,” he said patiently, “I can _see_ you, you know.” 

Guiltily, Kagura’s gaze shifted up towards his before reluctantly stuffing the family sized pack of chips back onto the shelf. “How do you expect me to fight if you’re _starving_ me.” She muttered.

Shinpachi rolled his eyes, not even bothering to respond to her blatant hyperbolization of life. Nobody- N.O.B.O.D.Y- ate more than Kagura did. He managed to placate her with a pack of sukonbu he kept in his pockets for emergencies (read minor inconvenience he needed to distract Kagura from). Without much fuss, the two finished the shopping, splitting up into two at the cashiers to take advantage of Shinpachi’s meticulously colour-coded coupon binder. It was all about maximizing efficiency and ripping off the big guy! Expression blank, Kagura tossed the binder at the blind-sided cashier, “Just use them all.” She drawled, looking just menacing enough for him to squeak and scramble to scan the relevant codes. 

On the other end of the store Shinpachi was fervently arguing with the cashier. “If I combine these two coupons here and then add in this third one there next to the cute puppy one then I should be getting 112% off!” 

The girl’s smile fractured just a little. “Sir, we can’t _give_ you back money. This is a store. That’s not how this works.”

Shinpachi pushed his glasses farther up his nose as he smirked. “But if you look at the asterisks here, here and here, it says the store encourages you to merge coupons together. By your own store’s law, _law_ ,” he repeated, “You _have_ to make this the final discount. You thought I wouldn’t go keeping year old coupon books. But I DID.” 

Jutting out her lip and looking increasingly unimpressed, the girl reached out for the third coupon and ripped it in half. Shinpachi shrieked, rushing to grasp at the falling pieces, tears pricking his eyes. “My coupon!” he wailed.

Smiling much more pleasantly, the girl rang up his order and held out her hand. “Congratulations! You’ve received a 75% discount. That’ll be ninety-eight forty please.” 

Sulking, Shinpachi forked over the money, making the cashier tug it out of his hand in petty revenge before carrying his bags out the store to meet Kagura. Shooting one sad glance at his friend, Shinpachi sighed. “So, did you pay ninety too?”

Kagura gave him a weird look, “Of course not, he gave me ninety.” Smirking, she waved the bills in front of his face, not understanding why he burst into tears the second she did. 

An hour or so later, Shinpachi returned without most of their shopping, having stashed the…special items behind the house before sending Kagura their secret signal that involved some tripping, totally casual whale noises and a swear word just for fun. Bounding up from her seat Kagura rocked on the balls of her feet for a few seconds before smiling sweetly at her guardian. “Gin-chan, are you going to be a waste to society again and sleep at the pachinko parlor?” 

Gin scowled. “Watch it brat or I’ll spend all our money on coins and have nothing left to feed you with.” 

Engulfed suddenly with some stupid affection blooming in her belly, Kagura leaned over his desk to hug him gruffly from the side, pressing her face into his neck. “Stupid Gin-chan.” She could feel his smile by the pull of his jaw against her forehead and loosened her hold quickly before running out the door.

“Well I’m off! See you later!” She waved, eyes eclipsed by her cheeks from the width of her smile.

Smiling softly back, Gin tucked his hands behind his head. “Brat.” 

Dusting the last of the knick-knacks on the shelf, Shinpachi put away the cleaning supplies and waved at his boss. “See you tomorrow Gin-san. Please don’t actually spend all our money. I need to buy us bus tickets for our next job.” 

Gin waved a hand in the air nonchalantly. “It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. Don’t you trust Gin-san?”

Shinpachi grinned cheekily, “Not with money I don’t.” And with that, Shinpachi walked out the apartment, trying not to look too eager or that he was trying too hard to not look too eager, which was really the worse outcome, and hoped he succeeded as he met the fresh air.

Quickly jogging up to their meeting place, he and Kagura made their way to the warehouse, Sougo already there, looking bored and displeased at their lateness. “Why set a time if you’re determined to break it every time?” He asked, poking Kagura in the cheek relentlessly.

Snapping his finger backwards without even looking, Kagura sneered. “Only losers are on time. It’s best to be fashionably late, yes.” Arms crossed and chin high, she looked awfully sure of herself for someone who quoted meaningless sayings. 

Shinpachi smiled apologetically. “Sorry Okita-san. I was just finishing cleaning up. I hope you weren’t waiting long.” 

“It’s fine, I was too busy gloating anyway.” He paused, grinning like a madman, “I turned Hijikata-san’s hair orange.” He said with glee. 

Kagura snorted, rushing over and pulling at his shoulder, “Lemme see, lemme seeeee!!”

Grinning, Sougo beckoned Shinpachi over, scrolling through his phone photos to show an assortment of candid shots of Hijikata with a good portion of his hair bleached a horrific shade of orange. Never one to hold in her emotions, Kagura wiped tears from her eyes as she guffawed with her whole heart and soul. While the pictures were funny, Shinpachi couldn’t help but feel bad. It looked really, really, horrible.

The sympathy on his face must’ve shown because Sougo stood up abruptly, clicking his phone shut. “Aww glasses you’re no fun. You’re not supposed to sympathize with the enemy.”

“I can’t help it! It’s too hideous! Maiming him would’ve been kinder! He would’ve at least gone out with honor!”

Sougo’s expression was wicked, “Is that permission to skip practice and maim him?”

“ABSOUTELY NOT!” Shinpachi shoved a bag of supplies into the cop’s arms and pointed towards the entrance, “Go set up. You’re completely unbelievable.”

Sougo let out a huff but didn’t comment, pushing open the big doors instead and holding it open as Shinpachi and Kagura hauled in the boxes of supplies. That didn’t stop him from slamming the door shut as Kagura stepped in halfway with the last box getting her nose bonked by the edge. Shrieking, she threw the box in the air as she threw a punch, dodging a recipricatory kick before both their eyes widened in alarm, arms reaching out to grab the box before it fell to the ground. Their hands clasped around one another’s as they balanced it in the air while Shinpachi’s berating flooded their ears. 

“Can’t you two for _once_ just set up normally?” He moaned, unpacking the food behind the ticket booth counter. “That box is the only one with fragile things in it.” He gave them a pointed stare.

Sullenly, the two mischief makers looked down at the ground and muttered mumbled apologies as they set the box down as gently as two monster sadists could. “What’s even in this anyway?” Sougo asked, peering into the box’s contents, Kagura’s face sliding nearer to his own. 

The tips of Shinpachi’s ears reddened. “Well…” he started, before Kagura’s shocked gaze locked on his own.

“Alcohol??” 

Sougo choked on a laugh. “Have you ever even drank?” He guffawed, mirth dancing in his eyes.

Stuttering, Shinpachi refused to look at either of them focusing very intently on the unpacking. “Do you know how much people will pay for one glass?? A lot!” His friends looked unconvinced. 

“Enough to buy three packs of sukonbu and a pack of 25 bullets!” Interest piqued in their eyes and Shinpachi knew he had them hooked. 

Kagura studied the bottles intently, looking skeptical. “This stuff really can’t be all that great, yes.” 

Sougo didn’t say anything, but looked like he was up to no good anyway. Packing the idea away for later, he shrugged, pulling them out the box to be sorted. “People will pay any amount to forget.” 

“Forget?” Kagura’s eyes were too wide and pure for everything she had seen and all the blood that had stained her fist. It did contortionist tricks in Sougo’s heart and warped the world at the corners of his vision. 

“What kind of people come to spend their nights to watch two kids fight.” They didn’t need to ask what kind of kids fought for money in the first place.

But like she always did, Kagura stared darkness down with her will like the sun and burned it all away. “Suckers will be suckers.” She declared, a cocky grin spreading across her face and making her look so damn attractive Sougo couldn’t look away, “And I for one, am not gonna say no, yes.” 

Sougo closed his eyes, the softest of smiles on his lips. Kagura’s lashes fluttered as her eyes widened just a fraction of an inch. Sougo had a face like a blade, all edges and gaze too sharp. But sometimes, so rare like the sun meeting the moon in such a climactic declaration of love it transformed the whole colour of the sky, his face softened into something so gentle it dazed her. Catching herself, Kagura looked away hurriedly, fussing with the bags in her hands.

“You’re so stupid, yes.” 

“It’s part of my charm.” He replied, his grin laid-back and lazy.

Kagura rolled her eyes. “You’re about as charming as a rock, yes.” 

“Well at least I’m not as heavy as one.” Was his immediate reply, expertly dodging a case of beer.

The bottles crashed to the floor, the beer escaping from the shards and soaking into the cracks. “Why didn’t you catch it!!!” Shinpachi looked positively distraught as he rushed to inspect the damage.

“With what, my head?!” 

Kagura clutched at her waist, heaving with laughter. Whipping around with righteous fury, Shinpachi pointed one incriminating finger at her, “Don’t you dare laugh. This is really your fault.”

“He called me heavy!” 

“Are you?!”

“NO!” 

“Then why does it matter!” 

Kagura went silent. Pouting as she crossed her arms and looked away. Shinpachi sighed, “Well at least we have that money the store gave us. I’ll go buy a new pack, it’s fine. Let’s just be more careful, ok?”

The two troublemakers said nothing, which was as close to an agreement for people whose egos were bigger than they were that he was going to get. “The store gave you money?” For all of Sougo’s obnoxious behavior, he sounded genuinely intrigued.

Kagura grinned, “Shinpachi’s a really good housewife, his coupon binder is insane.” 

Sougo let out what might have been a giggle before immediately controlling himself. Shinpachi pretended he didn’t hear anything as he strode out the door trying to retain what little dignity he had left. As the door shut behind him, Kagura sighed at the mess. “I hate cleaning.” She announced. 

“I didn’t see you complaining when you saved those dish boys an hour of their lives by licking all of your buffet plates clean.” 

Kagura’s cheeks darkened. “That’s different. Gin-chan says it’s bad to waste food.” 

Deciding not to comment, Sougo walked over the supply closet and pulled out a trash bag and some cleaning supplies, tossing a paper towel roll to Kagura. “Let’s just get this over with before he comes back.”

Kagura huffed, getting on her knees to scrub at the floors. “He’s such a nag that Shinpachi.”

“What a mom.” Sougo agreed.

And yet, there was not an ounce of scorn in either of their voices. It wasn’t every day you came by a Shinpachi. 

The two worked in silence for a bit before Kagura’s laugh broke the monotony they had created. “What is it China brat?” 

“Who you calling a brat, punk?” Kagura scrubbed at the floor harder. “I was just thinking about what Shinpachi said. About making our fights more exciting.”

“I think they’re already exciting.” It came out before he even knew he was thinking it.

The back of Sougo’s neck set itself ablaze as he felt Kagura’s amused stare. “Well no one cares what we think. It’s about what the customers want.”

They both ignored the way they felt when she said ‘we.’ 

“We should use swords.” Sougo said the first thing on his mind to keep them from entering into an awkward silence that could deafen them with the thoughts they buried deep inside.

Kagura curled up her nose. “I hate swords. They’re for samurai.”

“Well I hate umbrellas. They’re for alien freaks.” His teasing tone urged an unimpressed glare from Kagura before she lit up with an idea.

“Why don’t we switch!” 

Sougo’s brows arched in thought. It wasn’t a bad idea really. To fight with the other person’s strength being your weakness. It sounded kind of fun. “Ok, but I want an umbrella like your dad’s.”

“What’s wrong with mine!” 

“It’s too small shrimp.”

“Tch. I’ll outgrow you eventually. Just you wait.”

Sougo grinned, “Wanna bet on it? You know I’m gonna grow too right?” 

“I’m so going to enjoy kicking your ass with your own sword.” 

Sougo leaned back onto his hands looking amused and competitive all at once. “Oh yeah? You don’t even know how to use it.”

“Sure I do. I just have to copy you but make it better.” Sougo’s curious stare invited her to elaborate, sighing, Kagura beckoned him up. “Pull out your sword.” 

Not liking being ordered around but also wondering where this was all going, Sougo did as she wanted, holding it out as though ready to enter into battle. “See look, if I was going to come at you, you’d swing that at me from your left side which is where I duck under to kick you at your ankle because by then, the sword will be at your right and you’ll be wide open.”

Sougo scoffed, “Only if you’re fast.”

Kagura smirked, “Oh. I’m _fast_.” Sougo gulped and wondered why.

Immediately, she was right next to him, foot pressed against his ankle and hand wrapped around the hilt of his sword atop his own fingers. He could tell she enjoyed having him caught off guard, noticed the smell of her, and the way her eyes could glow with emotions he doubted he could ever place. But he grit his teeth and focused on the physicality of the fight, of the motions they danced through time and time again. He would not be beat. Spinning, he swiped his leg into an arc, forcing her to jump and let go of his hand and giving him space to jump back, sword pressed to the heart of her throat. Kagura scowled. “No fair.” 

Sougo shrugged, slipping his sword back in his scabbard. “Hey now, it goes both ways you know. You may know my style but I know yours.”

“I know more.” Kagura taunted.

“In your dreams maybe.”

“In yours.”

Sougo looked deeply unimpressed. “Wow. How creative. Danna should really put you in school, you’ve been out too long. Isn’t that illegal?”

“You’re not one to talk about illegal! You’re the most corrupt cop I’ve ever met!” 

Unable to come up with a comeback, Sougo stuck out his tongue and two fingers. The two worked in silence for a minute or two before Kagura shrieked, startling Sougo so that his hand slipped from under him and he fell face first onto the alcohol soaked floor. “China!” He hollered.

“I’m BORED!” She wailed, flat on her back, hand at her forehead in a distressed damsel about to perish kinda way.

“Shinpachi’s better at cleaning, why do I have to-” She stopped, her dramatics calming into a curious pause. 

Looking up at where she was focusing, Sougo knew exactly what she was thinking before she said it. “Race you.” He goaded, already on his feet and running.

Grinning, Kagura ran three steps before soaring into the air, doing a perfect flip before catching the rope loop dangling from the ceiling in her palms. All around the ceiling beams, loops and loops of rope hung about, carrying pulleys and sandbags and other knickknacks. Technically, they were still cleaning up, the rope was unseemly, seedy even! It was really in the greater interest of the company that they fix it all up. 

“Sadist. Sadist!” Kagura urged, hand waving with intensity, “We don’t have a _name_.” Sounding aghast.

“Just because your parents didn’t love you enough to give you a name, doesn’t mean you have to drag me into it.” 

Kagura scowled, rocking the rope she was tangled into to send her flying towards Sougo, leg outstretched. Eyes widening, Sougo dropped down from his perch so that he hung on only by his knees, swinging forward to launch towards another stray end. Kagura scowled. Tch. Better luck next time. “I meant for this…thing, we’re doing.” She elaborated, gesturing around them.

“Why does it matter? Nothing cool has a name.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, yes. I was thinking The Super Awesome Alien Hero Destroys Stupid Earthling/Dog Hybrid Twice Weekly.” 

Sougo snorts, swinging lackadaisically, hands looped behind his head. “Really? Because I was thinking, Sadist House. Slogan: Wild Alien Beasts Domesticated and Trained.” 

“You know what this is, Disappoint Your Families.” 

“Why Good Parenting Matters, the Musical.” 

“Life Sucks Sometimes So We Beat Up Our Friends and Let You Watch.” 

Something like melancholy clogged up their words and Kagura’s swinging slowed to a stop. Sougo looked up from beneath his bangs. He didn’t like that slightly crestfallen dullness in her eyes or the way her lip bent and then struggled to lift back up into a smile. 

“That’s too long idiot.” He declared, “No one’s gonna remember that.” 

Kagura went quiet before a slow smile grew. “Bet you have lots of experience with that, what with no one ever remembering your name and all, Souichiro-kun.” 

Sougo let out an amused breath. “Wanna see who can jump the farthest?”

Without even answering, Kagura took in a breath and yelled as she threw her momentum forward grabbing onto a rope four metres away. Quiet in concentration, Sougo stood up on his rope and pushed his body forward and back until he got just the right speed to throw himself next to her. Unfortunately, he miscalculated how Kagura’s constant fidgeting would displace the ropes around her and his fingers grasped the nothingness. For one terrifying split second, he thought he’d missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime to get rich all because he broke all his bones playing a dumb game with no reward before Kagura’s hand clasped around his and hauled him up with ferocity. 

Gripping the rope, Sougo settled next to her on their makeshift swing and leaned his head against it. “I won’t say thanks since it was your fault.” 

She wrinkled her nose, “You’re too close to me.” And she was hyper aware of their sides pressed together like the sky meeting the sea, seamless and stunning. 

“Suffer in silence then.” He replied easily. 

Kagura bit her lip, like she was looking for something but didn’t know what. Maybe something like courage. Or more like clarity. “I take my name back. Life doesn’t always suck, yes.” Her fingers were tight around the rope, her knuckles turning white. “It did a little, before. But now, with everybody, I have a new life.” She took in a breath, looked at him with the openness of a bird whose wings outstretched across the world, “You feel the same, yes?” 

Sougo looked down, never one to be so open as to have the things locked behind bars and chains so free. He rocked their makeshift swing more tilting his head slightly towards her, trying to look snide but having the mortifying feeling it came out curious. “Your kind is allergic to the sunlight. Too much of it and you’ll die. Wouldn’t you rather be…” He shook his hand in the air in some vague gesture for a word like home, but not. 

Kagura tilted her head back, a wistful expression on her face and a wry turn of her lip. “I used to live on a planet that always rained. It was so cloudy, we never had to worry about the sun. Instead, we worried about Mami’s sickness and my idiot brother’s fights and Papi never being home.” She turned her gaze onto him and something like a storm surged inside him, “There’s something about the sun, something about its light, that makes me love it despite everything. Makes me love Earth. Where everything is warm and the rain always goes away, yes.” 

“I didn’t know you wanted to get fried that bad.” He said, instead of all the half-thoughts swirling in his head.

“What are you saying stupid sadist? Shinpachi would never let that happen. We have more sunscreen than Toshi has mayo, yes.” She laughed cheekily, open and with abandon. 

“Even with a new home, you still can’t help miss the old one.” He blurted, helplessly and idiotically, thoughts of his sister engulfing him. 

Sougo gaped, questioning his sanity before the surprise in Kagura’s eyes melted into a quiet understanding. “Yeah. But I’m happy I met everyone. Staying in the past leaves nothing but emptiness, that’s what Gin-chan says.” 

Sougo looked at her, really looked at her, and saw the age behind her youth. There were shadows in her irises like rumbling clouds over the sea. Her lips curled into a smile liberated of everything but joy from how close she has come to anguish that she knows better than to not clasp onto joy with both hands. He stared a little too deeply, lost in his thoughts of her hair and the curve of her cheekbones and he couldn’t help but whispering the one truth he knows, “I’m happy too.”

The door burst open and simultaneously, the two shrieked, hands flailing. The jerky motions sent them both tumbling onto the ground in a moaning heap. Across from them, with death in the tightness of his jaw and his expression bordering on manic, Shinpachi’s voice meant sure doom, “Hello Kagura-chan, Okita-san, I’m so glad you volunteered to do _everything_ while I just sit here and watch.” 

Globby tears welled up in Kagura’s eyes as she outstretched one shaky hand to her friend, “Shi-Shin-chan…please…have mercy.” She strangled on a cough, clutching at her chest with all the dramatic flair of the trashy soap operas she watched guiltily with Gin. 

“I think I broke my leg.” Sougo broached, poking his knee experimentally. 

“Too bad! I go away for ten minutes and you’re on the ceiling making an even bigger mess! We have clients coming in tomorrow and you two are just lounging!” 

“For a pair of glasses, you talk too much.” Sougo said drily.

Snickering, Kagura propped herself up, dusting herself off. “You’re such a nag Shinpachi. Everything’ll be fine, jeez.” 

“YOU’RE STILL NOT CLEANING!” He screeched, brandishing his broom like a weapon and not stopping his smacking until they were both up and running, cursing his name. 

Despite all their fussing, they couldn’t help but feel some swell of accomplishment at the finished look. They had added a concession stand next to Shinpachi’s welcome booth and even had a few team merchandise things for offer. Kagura grabbed a #1 Yato finger and immediately shoved it into Sougo’s eyeball snickering at his indignation. “Bet my stuff sells more than your stuff.” She taunted. 

Brow raised, Sougo leaned forward suggestively, “Oh? And what are you gonna give me when you lose China pig?” 

Two hands rose from thin air to smack them atop their heads. “It’s not a competition you idiots. The more we sell of _either_ set,” he stared meaningfully, “Is good because we get more money, get it?” 

Sighing, Shinpachi collapsed in his chair, “I hope this Otsu-chan concert is worth it.” Then, horrified at himself for even uttering such blasphemy, threw himself on the floor, prostrating repeatedly, “I’m sorry Otsu-chan! I’ve failed you as Fan Club Captain. OTSUUUUU-CHAAANN!!!” 

Sharing twin looks of disgust, Shinpachi never saw the T-shirt projectiles coming. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Welcome everyone for today’s fighting challenge!” Shinpachi waved his arm in the air, hyping the crowd, “Today’s winning bid challenge iiiiissss,” brandishing the envelope with the bidding winner, Shinpachi waited for that exact moment where suspense was high enough to pound in people’s heads but not enough that people started throwing things at him, “Up first, we have a blindfolded battle!” The crowd cheered its approval, “And up next, our competitors will be handcuffed! A true test of strength and wits!” 

“Contestants! Take your places!” 

Kagura and Sougo walked to opposite ends of the ring, waiting in anticipation for Shinpachi to come and tie the rags around their eyes. As darkness overtook them, the thrum and roar of the crowd drowned out their other senses. Breathing in deeply, Kagura rocked on the balls of her feet, getting a feel of the terrain as she tried to hone her senses down to just two things; the floor and Sougo. 

On the other side, Sougo retained his bored demeanor. The Shinsengumi trained with sensory deprivation techniques all the time, part of Hijikata’s be-prepared-for-everything-and-anything-even-those-weird-freaky-things-on-TV-because-we-live-in-such-a-shit-show-world. Grudgingly, Sougo had to commend their obsessive commander. Maybe he wasn’t such a full-blown waste of space after all. 

Upon remembering the boxes and boxes of mayo stashed in the kitchen though, Sougo had to amend his amendment. 

At Shinpachi’s whistle, the two flew into the centre of the ring only for Sougo to stop halfway, a half smile on his face. Kagura whooshed by, stopping at the last second to shoot a fist out to his face. Feeling the air move with a killer’s intent, Sougo brought up his forearm to block and kicked out to where he knew the rest of her body to be. He knew Kagura better than she thought. Knew how long her limbs were, how each joint connected into a perfect killing machine. He could see her just as clearly as though he weren’t wearing a blindfold at all. She must’ve sensed his cockiness because at once, her knee was jammed in his groin and he could hear her laughter. 

…That too, went straight to his groin. 

Shaking off his despicably bad timing and ignoring the way Kagura’s waist felt beneath his fingers as he flung her to the side, Sougo threw himself back into focus. Kagura’s fists were like hornets, everywhere all at once, sharp and staggering. Swooping down to get in a sucker punch into her stomach, she used his momentum to propel herself over him, locking her knees around his head. The muscles in her thighs clenched around him and Sougo knew if she so wanted, she could snap his neck like a crack of lightening. He also knew he was a freak of nature for finding that so ridiculously attractive he almost lost his footing as she tried to trip him over. 

She settled for throwing herself backward, landing on her hands and _flipping his body over like a ragdoll_. Shit that was cool. Sougo thudded to the ground, brain clattering inside his head. He felt her knee press into his chest and knew she’d be wearing that shit-eating grin she loved so much before she even ripped the blindfold off. “Hey Chihuahua.” Her smirk was as infuriating as it was contagious, a bubbly kinda insane flowing through him.

“Just wait till the next match monster girl.” Smiling some more, Kagura held out her hand.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been handcuffed.” And she was too coy to be cute. 

Sougo took her hand and brought his face so close to hers she had to see all the promises he kept within himself, “I’ll be gentle.” 

She shoved him away laughing. “No you won’t. And don’t you ever, yes.” 

Running a hand through his hair, Sougo jumped over the rope fencing to where Shinpachi lay in wait with a rag and a water bottle. “Good job Okita-san, the crowd was definitely impressed.” 

“Good to know.” He muttered, dumping the rest of the bottle atop his head. 

Shinpachi clasped his shoulder, smiling like a breeze, “You okay here? I’m going to go check up on Kagura-chan.” 

Sougo waved a hand in the air but offered him a small smile. He liked the glasses kid. Which was saying something since Sougo didn’t really much like anybody. Except Kondo-san. And Danna. And maybe…he shook his head. Time to focus on fighting.

“Shinpachi! Shinpachi! Wasn’t I great? Wasn’t I fantastic!” Kagura gushed, pressing her hands together in her signature compliment-me-or-I-might-self-combust-and-make-you-clean-my-ashes kinda way. 

Smiling gently, Shinpachi pat her on the head, handing her a bottle of water and an energy bar. “You were super cool Kagura-chan! I think you made a couple fans today.” 

Stars burst to life in her eyes as she squealed. “They made the right choice, yes. Gura-san is definitely the best, ahahaaha!” 

Exasperated, but not unaffectionately, Shinpachi shook his head. “I’m going to call you two up in about three minutes so rest up okay?”

“Kayyyyy.” She chirped, munching on her snacks cheerfully, still on the winning high. 

Shinpachi called them into the arena to the massive cheers of the crowd and winced a little as he saw his friends’ wrists start to chafe from the cuffs. They were using Sougo’s after making him swear he didn’t know a secret way to open them or had sabotaged them in anyway-“I am a samurai, you know. I do have a bit of honor.”- Shinpachi was skeptical but considering they had all fought to the death against enemies greater than anything more times than he could count, he figured he should have a little faith. Faith not just in Sougo but in Kagura not losing control and breaking the cuffs as easily as she could breathe as they both knew she could. 

Shinpachi wrung his hands together and worried. 

Damn his predictability. 

This time around, the two didn’t immediately charge at each other with reckless abandon, but instead danced around the other, trying to determine the others’ efficacy without hands. Because those two were so battle complementary and also idiots of the highest calibre, they both had the exact same idea at the exact same time. Charging like rhinos, the two head-butted each other with enough force to send even the strongest of the crowd wincing from the crack that reverberated across the warehouse. Sougo and Kagura shared one last look of enmity before twin rivers of blood burst across their foreheads and they fell backwards, out for the count. 

Shinpachi’s jaw dropped before immediately closing because _obviously_. What could he really expect from two bloodthirsty ultra competitive morons. The crowd tittered, unsure of what their generic and mob-like reaction should be before Shinpachi strode into the arena quickly. Bending down, he checked to see if both were out for the count before shooting up. “I declare a tie! To collect your winnings please bring your ticket stubs back down to me at the front and to the rest of you, feel free to buy more snacks or some merchandise and be sure to tell all your friends! Have a good night!”

Hurrying back down to the booth, Shinpachi wondered if it was okay to just leave his friends there, but upon counting all the cash in his hands thought, oh what the hell, they’ve really been through worse. 

“Hey, kid.” A man with a patch on his eye loomed over Shinpachi, a pipe sticking out of his mouth like he was born with it. 

Pinching his thigh, Shinpachi mustered forth all of his customer service training he had read online and smiled, “Hello sir, how may I help you?”

The man did not look impressed. Shinpachi thought he might’ve shrunk a little, but really couldn’t be sure. “That bidding thing, whoever pays the most money gets whatever they want?”

Shinpachi nodded quickly, “Yes! Yes! As long as it follows our guidelines then anything goes.” He went for the friendly arm swing to display trustworthiness, but ended up hitting his fist against the table.

Stupid wikihow.

A small smile broke over the man’s face though Shinpachi found no comfort in it. “Good. See you next time kid.”

Shinpachi frowned, wondering if he’d seen that guy before. There was something familiar about him. Maybe the tattoo…He’s sure he’d seen those two curled horns from somewhere-

“Oy, glasses kid, the alien girl is moving!”

Distracted, Shinpachi rushed over to Kagura, checking her over to make sure everything was relatively fine. Pulling out the first aid kit, he dabbed at her forehead with a cloth and some rubbing alcohol before bringing the wound together with a butterfly bandage. “Anywhere else it hurts Kagura-chan?”

Blinking wearily, Kagura’s fingers clutched his shirt, bringing him closer, “Who cares about that, did I win?”

Shinpachi chuckled uncomfortably, “Um-”

She narrowed her eyes, “No.” 

He shrugged helplessly, “Yes.”

Kagura’s shriek of rage knocked her back out leaving Shinpachi alone with a safe full of money and a few bottles of sake and cheap beer. He toed Sougo cautiously, “At least I know you won’t arrest me.” He said to the silence, before going to break the pretty much always broken law of underage drinking and wondering why he was doing the most teenagerish thing in the world in the least universal of circumstances. 

He glared at his two friends and at the general landscape. See, this is why unresolved sexual tension ruined lives. Its gets the third wheel best friend wrapped up in all sorts of nonsense. Tiredly, Shinpachi wondered if he should’ve just invested in a match-maker instead. Or maybe just stayed in his lane. 

Yeah, that probably would’ve been best. 

(but then he remembered the money and all the fun he was having in secret shh, don’t tell and decided to ignore how stupid the world was and focus on cleaning, because who was he kidding, he wasn’t about to break any laws)


	3. The Knockout Is Always the Highlight

“The Green Markhors.” Hijikata smacked his hand atop a logo made up of curling horns painted green, “They’ve been responsible for the spike in thefts across the country and it’s our job to find them and put them to justice.” His hand curled into a fist across the picture before dropping slowly to his side. 

Sougo blinked one eye open, assessing the room with disinterest before closing his eye again. Hijikata was always so boring in briefings.

“We don’t know who their leader is or know enough to determine any kind of pattern for them but we _do _have reported sightings of them hanging out at the ports in one of those abandoned warehouses.”__

__Sougo snapped awake._ _

__“How are there always just ‘abandoned warehouses’ lying around so conveniently all the time!!” A new recruit yelled out._ _

__Beside him, Yamazaki sighed, “Blame rising business taxes. It’s pushing all the small guys out.”_ _

__This immediately prompted an argument about the effectiveness of taxes and sticking it to the rich guy before Hijikata lost his temper, pulling out his sword in a striking crescent and sending it flying across the room so it landed squarely in the centre of the wall. All eyes turned on him and someone may have shrieked but that was against the Shinsengumi way so no one commented. “Listen you sorry excuses for officers-” His blood pressure rose to dangerous levels before Sougo interrupted him, the epitome of enthusiasm and professionalism._ _

__“I’ll look into it Hijikata-san. I’ll catch all of those no good gangsters.” Sougo knew he had Hijikata on edge because the eagerness oozing out of him was unnatural right to the core._ _

__Silently, he hoped the stress would distract his boss from suspecting anything, but as usual, Hijikata never knew when to quit. “Hah? You want to volunteer to scope it out?” Hijikata glared. “Why.”_ _

__Faking innocence, Sougo pointed to Kondo, “I want to be like Kondo-san, he’s the best officer I know.” And from the tears welling up in his hero’s eyes he knew he had won._ _

__“SOUGO!” Kondo wailed, “Toshi look! We finally did it! We raised a good son!” Kondo’s arms wrapped around Hijikata’s shoulders as he buried his snotty nose into him._ _

__Horrified, Hijikata tried to no avail to shake him off before surrendering to his fate and cursing his life. “I never agreed to have such a shitty son.” He muttered instead._ _

__Sougo grinned, wide and fake and utterly sadistic, “Then the task is mine?”_ _

__Hijikata scowled, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette. Damn he needed a break. “Fine.” He gritted his teeth, “But if I find out-”_ _

__“Don’t worry Hijikata-san, I know you’re just insecure everyone’ll find out I’m a better cop than you and replace you with me. But don’t worry, I’ll vouch for you.”_ _

__As the meeting continued on and everyone’s tasks were assigned, Sougo let out a tense breath. That was super close. When he found those gangsters, he’d make them regret ever messing with him and his future weapons collection. Something dark crackled in his eyes as he thought of all the ways he’d punish them. The Green-Whatever-They’re-Names-Are were gonna get it._ _

__\----------------------------------------------------------------_ _

__On the other side of town, Gin was staring at Shinpachi suspiciously. “Is that the new Otsu CD Pachi-boy?” He asked, looking suspiciously curious._ _

__Cautious, Shinpachi adjusted his CD player in his hands. “You know I have to buy at least four copies of every CD when they come out Gin-san. One for listening, one for storage, one for looking-”_ _

__“And one for selling later, _I know. _” Gin waved his hand in the hair dismissively, “But you have no money. I should know. I haven’t paid you two in weeks.” His dead fish eyes stared intently into Shinpachi’s own.___ _

____Unable to bear the pressure, he snapped his head away, looking down, fiddling with a stray thread. Another second and he might’ve just cracked, but Kagura, in all her blazing glory, lugged a stray Jump comic at Gin’s head like a missile. “Don’t be proud of that you lazy madao!” She hollered, alight with righteous fury._ _ _ _

____“Hey! Don’t throw things at your dad young lady, you’ll make mama cry again!”_ _ _ _

____“Hey! I don’t cry over you two!” Shinpachi defended, only to realize what he’d just inadvertently admitted, throwing his head into his hands and groaning._ _ _ _

____Kagura chortled, pointing, “Hah! Loser!”_ _ _ _

____“Shut up!” Shinpachi yelled tossing a pillow in her direction, which led to her jumping behind the couch, flipping it over for maximum defense and drama._ _ _ _

____“This means war!” Kagura cried, throwing as many things as she could at the two boys._ _ _ _

____“Man down!” Gin cried, clutching at his heart as a teddy bear socked him._ _ _ _

____“He’s not down until he’s dead!” Shinpachi cried, tossing the remote and the lamp for good measure._ _ _ _

____When all nearby objects had been thrown and half their belongings scattered or cracked in some way, the three of them collapsed on the floor, heaving for breath, wide smiles across their faces. In the tired silence, Gin’s stomach growled. “Oy, Shinpachi, since you’re rich now, go buy us dinner.”_ _ _ _

____“I left noodles in the fridge. Kagura-chan and I are going to go hang out with some friends now. So see you tomorrow Gin-san!”_ _ _ _

____Gin turned his head, “Friends? What friends? You two just hang out here all day.”_ _ _ _

____“Hey! I have friends, yes! I’m the most popular person I know!” Kagura yelled, jumping up to her feet to fish out her umbrella from between the cushions._ _ _ _

____“It’s not like you have the time to train us, so we’re training with Okita-san!” Shinpachi babbled, cringing at the stupidity, though it wasn’t really a lie if you thought about it._ _ _ _

____“Those tax robbers are no good I tell you. No good!”_ _ _ _

____“Bye Gin-chan!” Kagura chirped, tugging Shinpachi by the sleeve._ _ _ _

____As the apartment settled into silence, Gin stared up at the ceiling. Something was up. But then he yawned and felt his eyes flutter shut. Ehh, they weren’t babies. It really wasn’t any of his business._ _ _ _

____\---------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _

____“GOOOOOOOOD EVENING KABUCHIKO!” Shinpachi roared into the mike, reveling in the cheers from the crowd._ _ _ _

____“We’ve heard your suggestions and tallied up the totals. Today’s three challenges are verrrrrrryy exciting! Today, we have a special treat from one particularly creative contributor so let’s hear some noise! First challenge today is no hands for Kagura and no leg attacks from Sougo! Contestants, take your places!”_ _ _ _

____Kagura frowned. They decided that, to make it more interesting, they wouldn’t hear about the challenges until they were announced to the rest of the crowd. But this one was just stupid. She couldn’t defend from above though all of Sougo’s attacks would be aimed there and likewise for the idiot sadist. Scowling, she felt pleased only at the nearly imperceptible tick of Sougo’s brow signalling his distaste as well. Shinpachi counted down and the second he gave the signal, Kagura launched from her spot, hands behind her back._ _ _ _

____Sougo eyed her, rocking on the balls of his feet ready to launch away from any attacks, but Kagura had other ideas. She was going to win this in thirty seconds. Running at him, she screamed, soaring into the air so she could wrap her legs around his neck and send him crashing to the floor. Blacking out for a second, Sougo blinked into consciousness just to see Kagura ramming her forehead into his. Recognizing her intent to knock him out and end it all, he quickly brought his forearms up into an X, halting her attack but bruising his arms. Howling, Kagura whipped back, squeezing her knees against his neck._ _ _ _

____Feeling the sadism bubble up inside of him, Sougo’s hands flew to her head, ripping it to the right as he rolled so that now he had her pinned. With Kagura unable to use her arms and legs currently being sat on, she glared as Sougo’s smile glinted. “Hey there China, look at you all docile for me.” He licked his lips._ _ _ _

____Glowering, Kagura snarled, hurtling upwards like a comet, upper-cutting his jaw with her head. Breath knocked out from him, Sougo stumbled to his feet as Kagura did the same. “You little runt.” He spat._ _ _ _

____She smirked, though she swayed a little from exertion. “Heh. You’re a thousand years too early to challenge me.” And she smiled, something like euphoria and adrenaline bursting through her._ _ _ _

____They ran at each other again, never the kind of people to think when they could act. Kagura’s leg swung out in a powerful kick but that was her weakness as the height of the arc allowed Sougo to swoop underneath and land a punch squarely in her cheek, sending her flying into the ring ropes before she flipped over them._ _ _ _

____“HAH! Take that alien brat!” He whooped, turning towards Shinpachi victoriously._ _ _ _

____“I’ll get you!” Kagura yelled back, one fist waving from beneath the ring._ _ _ _

____“Round one goes to Sougo!” Shinpachi declared. “After a ten minute break, round two will be a paintball fight! Whoever’s the first to get shot loses. Watch an extraordinary battle of dodging and speed!”_ _ _ _

____The crowd however, was bursting for the surprise third act and watched the battle of agility like you watched commercials before your favourite show’s finale. Kagura won the paintball challenge with ease, her Yato blood allowing her to catch the pellets before they could burst, infuriating Sougo to no end but impressing him to the point of madness. There couldn’t be anything more attractive than her smug face as she curled the bullet through her fingers. She was impressively agile, and for just a normal guy, Kagura had to concede Sougo put up a fantastic fight._ _ _ _

____Her concession went right out the window though when that goddamn _dog _RIPPED HER OUTFIT. It was mostly by accident sure but still! Tripping on his own and then _reaching out to grab her _to ease his fall still counts as assault! Harassment even! Stumbling down into the back room, Kagura wailed, clutching at Shinpachi’s shirt lapels. “Pachi-boyyyyy, my cloooothes!!”_____ _ _ _

________Placating expression, Shinpachi patted her on the shoulder, “There, there Kagura-chan, it’s alright. I thought this might happen so I picked up something I thought would suit the mood in advance.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rummaging through some boxes, he pulled out something Kagura thought had long since disappeared. “Is that my Yoshiwara disguise?” Confused and befuddled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I keep all our disguises.” Shinpachi defended, “We can’t keep spending money on them you know!” He asserted, shoving the clothes into her hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Put these on, and then we’ll start the next fight okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Kayyy.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Still in the ring, Sougo looked bored as he sipped from his water bottle idly. He wondered what the third challenge was going to be before deciding it didn’t matter because he was going to win no matter what._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And then Kagura walked out the back room and his heart had a spasm while the rest of him went red hot with want. Who allowed her to walk out like that?? Was the glasses stand crazy? He was crazy. Absolutely batshit crazy. (or maybe he was crazy because he wanted to run up to her and just-)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kagura pulled at the hem of her kimono, fiddling with the sash. She glanced up, catching Sougo’s wide eyed stare and stuck out her tongue. Knowing he would burst at any second Sougo dumped the entirety of the bottle’s contents atop his head. “Hey you wet dog! Go make a mess somewhere else!” Kagura shouted, hands at her hips and lips doing that fantastically adorable snarl that he loved._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shit. Shit. _Shit. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Across from him, Shinpachi smirked. “See something interesting Okita-san?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The glare Sougo sent his way would have made a lesser man cower, but Shinpachi just kept on grinning. Sougo was going to _kill _him. A slow, gruesome, torturous death.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Really._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________\---------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________So despite Gin saying he didn’t care. He somehow found himself at the bar, a glass of something or other in his hands as he swirled the brown liquid around. “Who gave those brats permission to grow up and leave the nest?” He bemoaned, “You feed them and take care of them and suddenly they’re never home and neglecting poor Gin-san like he doesn’t even matter.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Next to him, Hijikata looked on in disgust. “You’re pathetic. They’re just training with Sougo. You should be proud they’re taking some responsibility instead of taking on after you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Gin glared, though it came out somewhat tipsy, “H-Hey. It’s all your stupid kid’s fault. That Souichiro, he’s no go-hic!- no good!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Hijikata rolled his eyes, “I’ve been saying that for years.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“He’s a bad influence! A bad influence!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Hijikata sighed. “Relax you overprotective perm. Sougo may be a sadist, but he’s a good kid deep down. I’m glad he’s getting out. He should make some friends his own age.” Cheeks heating up a little at the kind of care that implied, Hijikata gulped down a huge shot of mayonnaise, “Not that I care or anything.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________As Gin continued to sulk, Hijikata patted him on the arm somewhat awkwardly. “At least glasses is with them. He’s responsible.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“He’s a good kid that Shinpachi, the kind of friend you feel safe letting your kid hang out with after school. The kind your mother says no to hanging out until you tell her he’s coming and then she goes, oh of course you can go out! Send my love!” Gin’s head flopped onto the counter, passed right out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sighing some more, Hijikata lit up a cigarette. “There’s no such thing as a kid not up to no good.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________\---------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Alright everyone, the round you’ve all been waiting for. Today, we have a special challenge. Someone here thinks they can take on our legendary Yato warrior and our lethal police officer all on their own.” The crowd went quiet before a wave of laughter spread like a contagion._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Idiot! There’s no way you can beat two monsters like that!” Someone jeered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Rubbing blood from his mouth, Sougo peered into the crowd, curious over which moron with a death wish would dare challenge the two beasts of Edo. The crowd parted like the dead sea as a tall figure built like a mountain walked slowly up to the ring. Kagura shook her head. It was always the big guys who thought muscle was the key to everything. “Hey, you know size doesn’t matter right!” She taunted. “It’s about finesse, yes!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo choked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“China, do you even know what you’re implying.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What?” She asked, cocking her head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“If I win, I want all of today’s winnings.” The man said, grabbing the microphone from Shinpachi._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Huhh?? No way! That makes no sense!” Shinpachi protested._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You’re that unconfident in your fighters?” The man asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________All riled up, Kagura’s hands flew to her hips. “I’ve been in two fights already today and I could still beat you all on my own. You want all the money? Fine.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“China-” Sougo tried to intervene but Kagura shot him a glare._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo sighed. Oh the things he’d do. “Fine. We’ll give you today’s winnings if you can knock us both out or get us both out the ring.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The man grinned, something malicious in his eyes. “Perfect.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Flabbergasted, Shinpachi pulled himself together, deciding to trust in his friends. “C-can we at least get some background information?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The man grunted. “Shinzo. Thirty-two. Master in five martial arts.” Tossing the microphone back into Shinpachi’s hands, Shinzo flipped over the ring ropes, landing with a thud._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He beckoned the two over, a demeaning smile on his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo and Kagura exchanged looks. Separate, the two were ferocious. Sharp and dazzling and lethal. But melded together like steel in a forge… Electricity swooped through Sougo’s body, a wide smirk edging on mania stretching across his face. Kagura laughed, short and booming. “Come on Shinzo, catch these hands.” Shinpachi cried start and Shinzo pulled out a baton that extended into a bo staff._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Tch. Cheater.” Kagura muttered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Oh, scared China?” Sougo taunted, watching Shinzo twirl his bo with disinterest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Hah. No way, yes. I’m gonna punch that cocky bastard into the ground.” And she turned to him and snickered, looking cute and dangerous all at once. Something warm and smitten beat inside of him before he turned away quickly, flicking her in the forehead and rushing at Shinzo in a daze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Shinzo swung his bo but confused and crazed, Sougo’s bloodlust tripled. He caught the staff in its path, pushing down on it and using it as leverage to swoop his leg up into Shinzo’s side. Coughing, the man pulled back his bo, throwing a punch at Sougo’s face who deftly dodged it and threw one of his own. Blocking with his bo, Shinzo spun around to meet Kagura’s barrage of fists with a swirl of his weapon, creating a shield that even her speed couldn’t penetrate. Narrowing her eyes, Kagura focused, before landing a punch straight into the stick itself, shattering it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Blood spurted from the cuts in her palm and she brought it to her mouth, spitting a splinter out. Mockingly, she curled her hand in a beckoning gesture. “Come on old man.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo’s heart beat and determined not to be outdone- and not be distracted by Kagura’s outfit but that was a whole different issue- he grabbed the two bo halves and twirled them experimentally. “These will do.” He nodded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Rushing at him, he swung his makeshift weapons across Shinzo’s body, reluctantly giving the man credit for his blocking abilities. But he was not going to be beat. He threw the two sticks into the air, turning his head slightly to make sure Kagura was watching. Launching his knee into Shinzo’s chest, he pushed the man back two steps, forcing him to throw up his arms to block as he feinted a double punch. The bo halves fell back down and Sougo caught them both before slamming them against Shinzo’s ears knocking him out cold. As the giant crumpled to the ground, Sougo spun around, shoulders drawn back and a lazy grin sprawling across his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Kagura flashed him an approving nod. “Not bad sadist. Not as cool as breaking his bo though, yes.” She grinned cheekily._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“The guy who knocks the enemy out is always the coolest China brat.” He retorted, sticking out his tongue._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The crowd roared its approval as Shinpachi waved at them, declaring Kagura and Sougo to be the winners. “Well there you have it everyone, give it up for our undefeated champions!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Caught on the high, Kagura grabbed the microphone from her friend. “Listen up losers! In that room right over there is a safe with one hundred thousand dollars! If you can beat the two of us, it’s all yours!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“KAGURA-CHAN!” Shinpachi shrieked as Sougo threw back his head and laughed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________What a girl._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The crowd got louder as a line piled up at the concession stand where Shinpachi had to run to, cursing Kagura’s name._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You know we don’t actually have a hundred k right?” Sougo asked, arms clasped behind his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I know. But do you know how much money we’re gonna get from this?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Glasses hates risks.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________She punched him in the shoulder, gentle and happy. “What risk? We’re never gonna lose, yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo let out an amused breath. “No. Guess not.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________From the corner of her eye, Kagura watched as a man with an eye-patch hauled Shinzo off the floor, tossing him in the direction of some other men. The man caught her eye, pulling out a pipe and lighting it slowly. “Good fight kid.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Looking at him, Kagura felt something icky crawl up her spine. “Thank you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“It’s not smart to leave that kind of money just lying around in a place like this though.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo narrowed his eyes. “It’s only here for the hype.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The man blew out a puff of smoke. “Don’t get too cocky kids, there’s all sorts of fighters out there.” With another blow of smoke and a seedy stare, the man turned and walked away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What a weirdo.” Kagura said, locking her arms across her chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Doesn’t matter. It’s not like we have that much money anyway.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________\---------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“WHAT” Sougo and Kagura’s eyes bugged out their sockets as they shrieked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You heard me! We’ve made one hundred thousand so far!” Shinpachi exclaimed, dollar signs lighting up in his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I can’t believe this.” Sougo fell into his chair looking dazed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Sougo, you can keep this at the Shinsengumi headquarters right? That’s probably the safest place.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo nodded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Great. I was thinking that after Kagura-chan’s reckless stunt,” Shinpachi took the opportunity to shoot her a look while she averted her eyes whistling, “It might be good publicity if we bought a big safe and just…kept it in front of the ring as motivation.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“There’s no way we’re just going to leave all that money unattended.” Sougo argued, but he was met with Shinpachi’s wry grin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Don’t worry about that at all.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Shinpachi clapped his hands together, “Now let’s get cleaning!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Kagura and Sougo, with their bruises and battered limbs, looked at one another, and promptly passed out asleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Hands on his hips, Shinpachi sighed hoping to frown, but smiling a little instead. Popping in Otsu’s CD into the stereo, he jammed it out to her bops as he threw a blanket atop his two friends and began cleaning out the warehouse. When the last garbage bag was dumped out to the curb and the two idiots still hadn’t awoken, Shinpachi debated between waking them up and decided against it, stepping out to grab a few things and give them a bit more time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The warehouse was quiet, so quiet it shook Kagura awake, so used to barking and grunting and incessant shrieking and berating. Scrunching her nose a little, she tried to go back to sleep, but found that the inertia had left her. She rubbed her eyes, blinking the haze away to see herself draped with a blanket, Sougo right across from her, looking oddly vulnerable and soft. Her heart hammered in her throat, softly, softly, and then all at once, a giant battering ram. She appreciated Sougo with all his edges, but the gentle slope of his brow and the curve of his cheek in the dim light was nice too. Her fingers reached out across the emptiness before stopping. Sougo murmured something, his lashes fluttering, before falling still again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________There was a feeling of contentedness in her heart right then. Something similar to the feeling she’d get when she was at home and the Yorozuya were all separate but together. Something similar to how she felt when Papi and Kamui were all home at the same time as Mami clapped her hands and sang, Kagura in her lap. Something similar to that feeling of belonging but different. Every colour accentuated, every feeling multiplied ten fold, everything more, more, more. An excitement that was wild and gentle all at once._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo blinked awake, suddenly and completely, and she jolted. “Creep.” He stated, blank faced and deadpan._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Normally she would’ve yelled, but she was too cozy to be angry. “Shut up dog.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo’s eyes flickered around, “Where’s glasses?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Kagura glanced around as well, eyes settling on a note a little aways from her head. “Went to get food, don’t go home without me Kagura-chan!” She read, grinning a little._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Foooood.” She sang, “Food, food, foooood, yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You’re such a monster.” Sougo laughed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Hush, I’m hungry after all that fighting.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo hummed in agreement, rolling over so he faced her completely. “That guy was an idiot.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Total idiot, yes. Thinking he could take us on.” Kagura stuck her nose in the air._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“We are a good team.” Sougo agreed before he even knew he was thinking it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Kagura’s eyes widened just a touch and if something big and aching boomed inside her chest, well, no one needed to know. “I have fun fighting with you.” She started slowly, eyes determinately not looking into Sougo’s own before something fierce and brave pushed her forward, “But fighting beside you is good too.” She finished in a rush._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo dipped his head, his bangs shadowing his eyes. His fingers reached out, poking her in the forehead. “Idiot. It’s not like we’ve ever fought against each other for real.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Why would we do that?” And her question was so honest, so trusting in the fact that the Shinsengumi and the Yorozuya were more than allies, something deeper and stronger connecting them despite the law and the corruption and the deceit that ran deep throughout the city elite._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo stayed quiet, so was surprised when Kagura giggled, looking at him conspiratorially, “Hey, do you know what Gin-chan did the other day, yes?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo glanced at her, brow raised. “He got so drunk at Anego’s cabaret that he got into a fight with a stranger but then he couldn’t see straight so he called the guy an uncivilized gorilla-” at this point, Sougo could see where the story was going and winced in advance, “But it was Anego and she punched him so hard he broke through the wall!” Kagura cackled madly and Sougo couldn’t help but grin a little too._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Danna’s an idiot.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Right? Right?” She chortled, “But not as much as your gorilla, yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo snorted, “You have no idea China brat, get this…” And something wonderful bloomed inside of him where he thought his heart had shriveled with every stroke of his murderous sword at how his words made her laugh._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________They stayed like that, underneath the covers, giggling about their shenanigans and stupid bosses and Sougo felt like they had found a corner of the universe just for them. He couldn’t see past the red strays of her hair or feel beyond the heat that radiated beneath their blanket, a barrier between them and everything else. He thought this was happiness, but different, than every other kind. He wanted to keep it. Grasp onto it with both hands and never let it go. Wanted to bottle up this moment and keep it with him every step he took away from right there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Kagura’s hand waved as she emphasized her story and Sougo caught it easily within his own. Their eyes locked and she sucked him in like a whirlpool. “Oy, China, I-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The warehouse door burst open, Shinpachi bumbling in, half blinded by the stack of bags he was carrying. “I brought dinner! Rise and shine!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo dropped her hand like he was burned, throwing himself up with the speed of a viper. Kagura lay still, bringing her hand close to her face, something like a blush on her cheeks. “Kagura-chan, I brought your favourite!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Swallowing, Kagura stood up slowly, looking at Sougo before they both looked away. “You’re late Shinpachi. I’m starving.” She said haughtily, not feeling it but forcing it out all the same._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I don’t want to hear that from you. I had to clean all by myself you know!” He set out the takeout plates in the middle of them, handing out cutlery._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sougo and Kagura sat side by side and if their shoulders brushed as they reached for more spring rolls or if their hands grazed one another’s as they set them down, well…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Kagura sucked on bone, a silly smile on her face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________\---------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Good evening everybody! Welcome back to the fighting ring, today we have some fantastic opponents to take on our fighters!” Shinpachi gestured widely behind him, “As always, we have our one hundred thousand dollars in cash prize money.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Kagura and Sougo pulled on the heavy safe handle, swinging it open to reveal piles and piles of bills. Kagura bent down, picking up a stack, flipping through it dramatically. “Which sucker thinks he can win?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The crowd cheered aggressively as a woman with green skin and feline eyes swooped up atop the ring, two swords strapped to her back. As she swung in for a punch, a tattoo of green swirling horns caught Shinpachi’s eye._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Somewhere in the crowd, a man with an eye patch smiled. This was going to be fun._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed chapter three! Leave a comment or some kudos if you do and see you next installment!


	4. Tragic Backstories Are The Key to Romance

“Remind me why I’m here again.” Sougo drawled, picking at his fish with disinterest.

In between monstrous slurps and chewing, Kagura spared him a quick glance, “Becaush you didn’t shink I could knock that guy out in one hit,” She swallowed violently, “But I _did _.”__

Sougo watched as she gulped down a chicken breast in what looked like one bite with a detached, somewhat grossed out, fascination. “You’re a glutton.” He announced, ignoring her boasting, “How does Danna even pay rent?”

Kagura snorted, a little bit of sauce splattering across her lips. “He doesn’t. Tama-chan’s burnt through our door at least twice this month, yes.”

Sougo’s eyes locked onto that bit of sauce, something very very stupid moving his hand up across the table to wipe it with his thumb. Kagura paused, staring at him as he brought his finger to his mouth and licked the sauce clean. “Mm. Not bad.”

Kagura kicked him from under the table. “Are you stupid Sadist? If you wanted to taste it you could’ve just asked, yes.” Her chopsticks dug into the comically large bowl of rice filled with God knows what and jammed it in his general direction.

Sougo sighed, wondering why he was trying to flirt with such an idiot, before obediently opening his mouth. His teeth bit around the chopsticks, his eyes seeking hers out as he slowly withdrew. Ahh, he thought, there we go, as he noticed the heat flush across her face. “It was better the way I did it.” He said, returning to his fish.

“That’s because you’re a pervert, yes.” Kagura mumbled, looking far too interested in the soy sauce stain in the tablecloth.

Enjoying her discomfort, Sougo thought he’d lay it on her. “That punch was pretty cool though China girl. He really flew.”

Her blush intensified as she crossed her arms over chest, babbling, “W-well of course it was! I’m Kagura the great! Everything I do is amazing, AHAHAHA.” Her laughter bordering a little bit on crazy, she ignored Sougo’s presence completely as she threw her face into her bowl, throwing rice in her mouth frantically.

Snickering to himself, Sougo found his meal to be much more enjoyable.

“Oy, Chihuahua, did you buy your bazooka yet?” Kagura asked, after her embarrassment died down.

Sougo sighed, sliding down his chair a little, “I haven’t had the chance. That stupid Hijikata has been up everyone’s ass about this stupid gang around here.”

“Just buy him some Sailor Moon dolls, that will keep him satisfied.”

Sougo snorted, “No way. That money is going to a good cause.”

“Weapons of mass destruction aren’t a good cause, yes.” Kagura deadpanned.

“See, it’s bad opinions like those that won’t get you in my reality TV show.”

Slightly curious, but most amused, Kagura’s laugh bordered on mockery as Sougo pouted just a little- though he’d deny it to the grave! “Keeping up with the Shinsengumi: One Hero’s Journey to Killing His Boss, patent pending.”

Kagura banged her fist against the table. “That’s plagiarism! Plagiarism!”

“Well the actual show is garbage, I’m bringing it back from the dead!”

“How dare you!” Kagura threw a spring roll at his head which Sougo caught neatly with his mouth.

“There’s not even any murder!”

“Yes there is!” Kagura leaned over the table passionately, “Murder of trust! Of friendship! Of family ties! You don’t understand anything stupid Sadist. Come watch an episode from the new season and you’ll see.”

Sougo stuck his nose in the air, “Tch. Waste of time.”

But Kagura had a chopstick pointing dangerously at his neck and her lip curled in a dare for him to defy her. Sougo paused. “Fine. But I’m not bringing you food you pig.”

“Psht, who needs you. I’m rich now. I can buy all the sukonbu I want.” She gloated, as if he didn’t have the exact same paycheck and the bruises to show for it.

“You’re going to die from overdosing on _seaweed_ , you know that right?” Sougo pressed, looking mildly concerned.

Kagura stuck another chicken leg in her mouth, “I’m here for a good time, not a long time son.”

Sougo snorted. He couldn’t argue with that.

* * *

Sougo slid open the door to the Shinsengumi compound, steps light and something faintly content about him. Yamazaki smiled, “Something good happen Okita-san? You seem in a good mood.”

Sougo hummed, “You could say that.”

Yamazaki blinked and then flashed a quick hand signal behind his back. Immediately, the lounging cops fled, sending quick looks of fear at their commanding officer. Okita Sougo being in a good mood for no reason was never good. Unbeknownst to Sougo however, there was another reason his fellow cops were scurrying out the common room. Inside his office, just to the side of the common area, Hijikata sat on the floor, cigarette smoke curling around him seething. Kondo stood next to him, leaning against the wall, brows pinched together and arms crossed. Cautious now, Sougo slid off his jacket, watching his bosses carefully. “What happened.”

Smoke puffing out furiously now, Hijikata glowered, “A Joui faction was robbed this morning. In broad fucking daylight. Not that I care, but this robbery just goes to show how audacious those bastards are and we have zero leads about where the money will be or where they’re hiding and you were supposed to be looking into it.”

 _Shit_.

“Sougo I’m going to run you clean through with your own sword. The gang we assigned to you last meeting. The one that likes to target other gangs-”

Sougo winced. For all that he liked to be insubordinate, being a police officer was his number one pride. He took his job seriously when push came to shove and these guys sounded like dirty bastards. “The Green Markhors. I remember _and_ , I _do_ have a lead.” He blurted out, panicking when both his superiors’ eyes shot in his direction.

“That’s my boy!” Kondo boomed, “See Toshi, I told you he’d have something.”

Sougo shook his head, “Tsk, tsk, no faith Hijikata-san. This is why they’re going to replace you.” He smirked.

Internally however, he berated himself for succumbing to his base instincts and going over to watch crappy reality TV shows with that gluttonous idiot and throw burnt popcorn at the screen instead of coming back and reviewing some files. But he couldn’t really feel all that guilty about it because at one point Kagura had nodded off and slumped across his shoulder, her hair, let out from her signature buns, cascading down his neck. He drew all over her face of course, in permanent green marker for ultimate effect. But it had been nice, to feel her pressed up against him while women screamed on screen for losing a diamond earring. It had been a pretty good night. Something goofy welled up within him before he crushed it with zero remorse.

He didn’t have time to lose his head right then.

“I have a lead.” He repeated, “A really solid lead that you could never have discovered.”

Hijikata rolled his eyes, “I don’t care. I want someone brought in by the end of the week, do you hear me Sougo?

Sougo saluted him mockingly, “Yes sir.” Walking out the door, he hoped he looked as confident as he was trying to feel.

Truthfully, Sougo had negative leads if he was being realistic. How he was going to crack the case in one night he had no idea. With a sigh, he trudged his way over to the filing room, ready to dig through some stupid papers and useless junk. Only a little disappointed that the file for the Green Markhors was ultra thin, he sat at the desk and read. After sifting through repeated info and nonsense reported from idiot passersby whose testimonies were all garbage really, Sougo learned three things:

1) The Green Markhors were robbers. Their targets included banks at first until they realized no one cared nearly as much if they robbed other crime syndicates. But they learned pretty quickly to target only the small guys  
2) They were a tightly knit group, small and highly organized  
3) He had beat the shit out of one of them in the ring not two weeks ago

Practically giddy, Sougo went to bed, images of a giant of a man tumbling to his knees dancing around in his head. The description in the file matched word for word that Shinzo guy that had come knocking on their door only a couple days before. This was perfect. Something glared at the edge of his consciousness though, a detail he couldn’t grasp, something crucial that eluded him no matter how hard he tried to grab it. He was missing something, something big…but what?

* * *

“I hope you both know you’re in the presence of a criminal genius.” Sougo boasted as he set out the new set of merchandise on the concession table.

“Okita-san… you’re a police officer, you shouldn’t be a criminal genius.” Shinpachi scolded, somewhat distractedly as he tried to hang a giant banner across the entryway.

“I didn’t mean I was the criminal! Though if I was, I’d be fantastic and there’s no way any of you would be able to catch me-” He was cut off by Kagura’s condescending guffaw, “But that’s neither here nor there, I _meant_ I cracked a case in five minutes due to my exceptional sleuthing ability.” He posed, ready to be basked in glory.

“That’s great! Congratulations. Did you arrest someone?” Shinpachi asked, encouraging smile hidden behind a set of pins in his mouth.

Sougo paused. “Well…no. But I have a suspect. That guy from last time, Shin-whatever his name is. That creep is part of that gang.”

Shinpachi snickered, quickly hiding his laughter behind his hand. “I don’t suppose the gang mark is a set of green curled horns?”

Sougo blinked and then glared, suspicious. “Why.”

“Okita-san, if you had just mentioned this earlier I would’ve told you I saw his tattoo on his back as you two were fighting. I’ll get his info and pass it on to you. I thought it was strange considering I saw it-” Kagura screeched, clutching at her sides as she shrieked with laughter.

Why was it that he was always interrupted?!

Always!! Without fail!! What was this!!

“HAH! Stupid sadist! You thought you were smart but Shinpachi cracked the case first! MWAHAHA! And you didn’t even arrest anyone!” She pointed a finger at him, stupid expression and all.

Brow twitching, Sougo chucked a collector’s mug at her head, “Shut it China brat! At least I have three functioning brain cells!”

Kagura stuck out her tongue, dodging his projectile with ease. She mimed crying, “Wahh, wahh, I’m Sougo and I can’t do my job because I’m stupid, yes, wahhhh!!”

The anger flared inside him before he froze, staring at her with something of a sadistic grin growing on his face. “What did you just call me?”

“I called you stupid, are you deaf too?” She asked condescendingly.

Shinpachi grinned, “Kagura-chan, you just called Okita-san by his name. You never do that.”

Kagura blanched, turning away sharply, arms crossed. “Did not! You two are both deaf! What is this anyway, a conspiracy?! Leave that to the government, yes!”

Shinpachi laughed, “Come on Kagura-chan, just admit that you like-”

Kagura shrieked, “Shut up glasses!”

Shit eating grin on his face, Sougo held open his arms, “Come on Kagura-chan, admit your undying love for me and I’ll let you be my favourite dog.”

“SADIST!” She shrieked, “Super duper ULTRA EVIL SADIST!”

“Idiots.” Shinpachi muttered as he finally pinned the banner into the wall, “Just plain idiots.”

After setting up the main area, Shinpachi dragged Kagura into the storage room to clean up her last mess involving her multiple outfit changes from destroying them repeatedly. “Kagura-chan you really need to be more neat. It’s not that difficult you know.” Shinpachi reprimanded, folding a stray shirt and placing it back in its designated box.

“Cleaning’s boring, yes.” Kagura grumbled, sulking as she took her time bending down to retrieve a sock and then lazily toss it into a random bin.

“Yes, yes, I’m sure you’d rather do a ton of other exciting things like fight randoms or flirt with Okita-san-”

“I don’t flirt with Sou-the sadist!” Kagura yelled again, waving her arms in the air like it would somehow make her seem less like a crazy person.

Shinpachi gave her The Look. “Kagura-chan.”

“I don’t!” She reasserted, crossing her arms and looking away.

A soft smile graced her friend’s face. “You don’t have to hide your feelings from me Kagura-chan. You know I only want you to be happy. Plus, I think you and Okita-san are a nice fit…maybe not for the wellbeing of the city or my blood-pressure, or Hijikata-san’s for that matter, but you two are nice together! Really…” Although he was sounding less convinced by the second.

Immediately, Kagura’s umbrella was pointed right at his neck. “If you tell anyone I’ll kill you.”

Shinpachi’s hands went up though it was mostly for show, “Yes, yes. I’ll take it to the grave.” He resumed his cleaning with a nonchalance that irritated Kagura to no end, “But listen, I’m pretty sure he likes you too. And I’m also pretty sure you know that and that he knows you know that. So you shouldn’t just wait around, you know? That’s not like the Kagura-chan I know at all.”

He expected her to yell at him, or perhaps through some relatively lethal object at his head, but instead, Kagura squeaked, hiding her face behind a shirt. “It’s too embarrassing.” She mumbled.

Laughing, Shinpachi pat her on the head in endearment, “Maybe, but together, you two have done some pretty embarrassing things so I think it just matches the relationship. Seriously Kagura-chan, you really don’t have anything to worry about. Anyone would be lucky to have someone like you.”

Kagura peeked out from behind the shirt. “Well that’s true.” Picking up steam, she threw the shirt into the first bin she saw like a basketball player, “What’s not to adore? I’m a cute ass-kicking princess!”

Shinpachi snorted, “There you go!” And then Supportive Shinpachi died so that Housewife Shinmama could live as his hands flew to his hips, “And if you throw just one more item in the wrong bin I will personally confiscate all your snacks do you hear me!”

Kagura sulked.

But she did as she was told.

* * *

Leaving Kagura to her own devices, Shinpachi walked around the warehouse looking out for the finishing touches before spotting Sougo practicing with his sword. Remembering about the request from before, Shinpachi called him over. “About that favor from before…Sorry Okita-san, Shinzo didn’t leave any useful information in the form before you fought him. I’ll ask around at the booth though.”

Sougo frowned, “Don’t bother, I don’t need him if I can find another sucker.”

“Don’t bother,” that’s what he _said_ , but as the crowd trickled in, the reality of it all was much more disappointing.

Sougo was big enough to admit he may have slightly miscalculated when he hopped into the ring and couldn’t see a tattooed bastard anywhere. Admittedly, not all tattoos were in immediately visible areas, but still. He had a plan. Albeit, a half-baked, super dangerous, and kinda stupid plan, but a plan nonetheless! If he could goad a Greenie into fighting them, he had a 100% chance of going in for a knock out where he would insist to take the guy to an infirmary for aid (an infirmary that didn’t exist but lying was his second best skill, the first being murder, but anyway), and then manipulate him into telling him everything about the gang and their whereabouts, cracking down on them single-handedly and then going home as a hero.

It was foolproof obviously.

Outside the ring, Shinpachi was greeting guests cheerily at the concession stand when a man wearing a navy cloak that billowed around him like it had a life of its own approached him. “I want to fight.” His voice muffled by the scarf pulled up over his nose.

“I’m sorry sir, we’re all booked today.”

“How much did the highest bidder pay?” The man asked quietly.

Shinpachi glanced down at the sheet, “A thousand.” Clearly expecting him to be daunted and turn away.

Without hesitating, the man slapped a stack of bills atop the counter, his eyes daring Shinpachi to deny him. “That’s double. I want to fight.”

Shinpachi smiled shakily and handed him a receipt. “A-alright sir. Just this way sir.” Gesturing to the fighter waiting area.

As the crowd cleared, Shinpachi hopped onto his MC stand and announced the mysterious challenger. “First up tonight, we have…Danzo, a strange man with a hidden past!” The man approached the ring, the scar circling his head like a snake looking blistered and angry under the harsh light. He raised a spindly finger, pointing at Sougo. “I challenge you.” He rasped.

“Umm…excuse me sir…but you wrote down you wanted both of them.” Shinpachi looked torn between wanting to be apologetic and assertive.

Danzo nodded, “I did.”

Walking past Shinpachi, he bent underneath the ring ropes and his eyes crinkled into something of a smile as he noticed the tiny step Kagura in Sougo’s direction and the one he mimicked in return. His body throbbed with excitement. He could already taste their blood on his lips. Danzo looked creepy, suspiciously so, but not one to be daunted, Sougo’s lips widened, his teeth glinting in the light. “Come on then, Danzo-san.”

The three waited for Shinpachi’s signal, shouting go. Danzo’s hands flew together in a thunderous clap and the ring went black. Kagura screamed, the feeling of thousands upon thousands of teeth and wings and claws overwhelming her senses, violating her every cell, everything felt wrong, wrong wrong. She screamed and felt them everywhere _everywhere_ and screamed louder but everything was silence. She thought she could hear Sougo yell her name but everything was too much too much. Her hands tried to push through the wave of bodies but her sense of direction was obliterated and nothing made any sense. Arms wrapped around her and tugged her out of the dark but then something choked her neck and every part of her body froze. The bats shrieked mechanically, swirling through the air uniformly before flooding back into Danzo’s cloak.

Sougo swore, dropping his arms from shielding his face, his uniform torn in places, slivers of blood marring his skin. He looked around, trying to find Kagura before something horrible and gaping hit him. Danzo had his hand against Kagura’s cheek, stroking her skin fondly, his other hand clasped around her shoulder. “Such a pretty thing…” He murmured.

Kagura wasn’t blinking, barely even looked like she was breathing. “Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan what’s wrong!” Shinpachi looked frantic, rushing to the ring before a swarm of bats blocked his path, hissing in his direction.

“Tsk. Tsk. You can’t interrupt the game.”

Shinpachi hated bats. He hated their creepy eyes and their leathery bodies and their fangs but fear was irrelevant in the face of Kagura’s unnatural stillness. His hands reached out to throw every single last one away before Sougo’s blade slit them clean. The bats fell to the ground in a hiss of static. He met Shinpachi’s gaze. “Trying to hog the spotlight glasses?”

“Okita-san-”

Sougo straightened his back, an eclipse overtaking his eyes so they glowed like the moon as it engulfed the sun. “I’ll protect her.” He said quietly, for only his friend to hear.

Shinpachi clenched his fist and stepped back though every fiber of his being shrieked to go forward.

“What did you do to her freak?” Sougo commanded, steel and unmoveable.

“You don’t ask the questions boy.” Danzo threw out his arms, an army of bats rushing at Sougo like bullets, biting and swiping at him.

His sword splayed through the air like lightening but the torrent of bodies seemed infinite. Sougo grit his teeth, blood blinding his vision as he forced himself forward, shoving past the wave that pushed him back. Grunting, he lashed out with everything he had in him, getting to Danzo with a burst of relief that was met with a sword blocking his. Steel scraped against steel as the bats swarmed overhead, not close enough to touch him, but just close enough that the perimeter of their fight was constrained like a choked breath.

Kagura’s body remained behind Danzo, locked in some hell-scape he couldn’t begin to comprehend. But his distraction was costly as Danzo caught his forearm with the tip of his blade. Hissing, Sougo jumped back, wrath and rage pouring from every part of him. Danzo looked like he was smiling though Sougo couldn’t tell with his mouth covered, but the man ran at him like a bull, his sword striking at him so fast it felt like there were doubles. Pain tore at Sougo’s muscles, the weight of his blade seeming to grow by the second. He heaved in a breath, feeling exhausted and angry and overwhelmingly done with this shit.

“If you just wanted to fight me then why did you bring her in?” He demanded, panting as every word was emphasized by a jab.

“You still don’t recognize me?” Danzo asked instead, raising his hands so that the bats all flew up to the ceiling before crashing down like a meteor, throwing Sougo to the ground and trapping him on his back.

Squirming, Sougo writhed against their grips but felt useless against all the bodies that kept him there. Danzo loomed over him, letting his scarf fall to the ground. Something inside him jolted, a hazy memory that screeched into focus. The entire bottom half of his face was burnt, his skin a myriad of colours, a patchwork of pain and loss. Sougo’s heart lurched in his throat. “You’re that man…the one from the ship hostages.” Instinctively, Sougo’s gaze lurched towards Kagura and something violent and helpless surged within him because he knew what Danzo would say next before he did, and knew that this one selfish look was all it took to seal Kagura’s fate.

“You let her die. You let my precious wife die on that ship. You bastards, you sons of bitches, they told you not to try and save us, they warned you. But you dirty cops, all you care about is the glory, you charged in anyway and they blew our ship up. Maria died. Because of you and your fucking pride.” Spittle burst from Danzo’s mouth as his arms gestured wildly this way and that. “She died! Because of you! My face is burned! Because of you!”

The bats tore into him, cutting into his face and his arms and his chest, their mechanical eyes devoid of any remorse. Sougo looked at Danzo and knew he had nothing to say. “We had to. You know that. We’re sorry about your wife-”

Danzo’s hand shot out, grabbing Sougo by the lapels and throwing him to the other side of the ring, his back cracking against the pole. Stumbling, Sougo got to his feet, spitting blood, trying to focus but feeling torn at the sides, his mind split between focusing on himself and knowing Kagura was a sacrifice in a mockery of revenge for a woman he’d never met. Suddenly, Danzo was upon him, his knee in Sougo’s chest, his fist against his cheek. Sougo’s hands rose to defend himself but everything hurt and his eyes were haunted by an explosion on a ship when he was just sixteen.

It had all happened too fast. It was a rebellion gone bad. Joui rebels had tried to crash a cruise ship party hosting dignitaries and government officials. They had just wanted to scare them into changing their ideals, but something had gone wrong and a foreign prince had gotten shot. Fell dead on the deck and in the panic, the Joui shot more as they tried to control the crowd. By then, the police had been called and to try and escape the consequences, the rebels had claimed a hostage situation and wanted safe passage in exchange for the ship passengers. But it was in the Shinsengumi code to not negotiate with terrorists or hostage takers.

They just weren’t expecting the bomb.

It was actually pretty small as far as homemade bombs went. It was meant to blow up the control center of the ship and leave them stranded. But they detonated it in the engine room and the fires burst through the entire ship, sending it in flames. They never got everyone out…and those who were saved didn’t all come back the same. They couldn’t have prevented that, the whole thing was one mistake after another. But the guilt still stayed. The weight of the lives lost never left.

But they had done everything they could.

They did.

Sougo’s sword crashed against Danzo’s sliding down before he spun around, landing a solid blow to Danzo’s ribs. Grunting, Danzo jumped back. “I lost something precious to me that day-” But Sougo wasn’t here to hear sob stories.

He pushed through with his attacks, ignoring the throbbing in his body and the sharp pierce of fangs, he pushed and he pushed. Danzo ducked to the side to avoid a lethal swipe of Sougo’s sword and Sougo didn’t blink, just ran past his enemy, turning his back on him as he ran towards Kagura. He knew those collars. They acted as paralyzers, numbed the body and wear it long enough, it eventually stopped all biological processes. She would die in this warehouse, helpless and still. Unnaturally. Wrongly. Terribly. Sougo ran, desperately, desperately. The bats bit at him, one ripping at the sword wound from before. Cursing, he held his arm closer to his chest, hoping to staunch the bleeding somewhat. Closer, closer, he inched nearer. His fingers grasped at her shirt and his heart burst it burst, everything beat, hurry hurry hurry. His sword reached to slice the collar before a heavy blow to the head threw him to the ground.

For one awful second, Sougo was on the floor, looking up into Kagura’s face, her lips turning blue as her body shut down. Helpless and pathetic, Sougo could only stare for a second before adrenaline soared through him, his body rolling to the right, a sword embedded in the ring where his head was. “You don’t get to save her.” Danzo said calmly. “You can’t save anyone.”

Sougo wiped the blood from his eyes. “I’m sick and tired of hearing you talk. You’re going to take off that collar or I’m going to do it myself after beating you into the ground.” Sougo fought hard to keep his emotions in check.

Focus.

Focus.

_Focus._

But his breaths came in gasps and his every thought was wild, nothing like the controlled sharpness he was used to. Suddenly, he was on his knees, Danzo’s hands in his hair as he tugged his head up into Kagura’s direction. “I watched Maria burn alive right in front of me. It was the most terrible thing I’ve ever experienced. Now it’s your turn.”

Panic.

PANIC.

Act!

His breaths drew shorter, the world narrowed into a fog where she stood as the only clear thing. His fingers twitched. Sword, sword, where was his sword. Where was- “LOOK BOY!” Danzo jerked his head around, harder and harder, his brain rattling in his skull. “LOOK AT HER LIKE HOW I LOOKED!”

ACT!

Sougo could see Shinpachi running and a flood of bats overtaking him, shoving him to the floor while he yelled his friends’ names. He could see Kagura’s skin go pale, shade by shade. He could see himself almost, could picture how weak he must look, on his knees looking at the girl he loved while everything crumbled around him.

**ACT!**

His eyes shut and then flashed open, a roar escaping him as his hands clamped around Danzo’s flipping him over his head as Sougo used his body’s momentum to lurch forward. As the man collapsed to the floor, Sougo punched clean through his chest, a burst of electricity and smoke billowing from the impact. The bats jerked around, spazzing in the air before tumbling in a heap onto the floor.

Danzo heaved, “Y-you-”

But Sougo didn’t pay him any attention as he tugged the sword out of the man’s hand and knocked him into unconsciousness. Sougo heaved in a breath, freezing at the sound of metal hitting the floor. Turning around, slowly, painfully, not daring to breathe, Kagura’s cheeks flushed as life flowed through her body once more. She took a step forward, her knee buckling, “Sou-” and Sougo was running. His whole life, he had tried to dial down his intensity, numb his feelings, so world shattering like volcanoes into the flickering light of a matchstick. But Kagura, with the determination blazing in her gaze, made him want to burst like magma from the earth. Ravage the universe as proof of his existence. Kagura took a step, then another and another and she was running, something crazy in her fierceness, a clarity so true it burst like the height of summer, bold and true and utterly unforgettable.

She leapt into the air and Sougo caught her without thinking, her legs wrapping around his waist and hands grabbing his face as she pulled him in. Her smile softened as her eyes melted into something more gentle than the rain as she kissed him, her lips cold but so soft. Sougo’s eyes widened before closing shut, his hands pressing her closer against him like he could mold them together. She pulled back, her hands still in his hair as she leaned her forehead against his. “I knew I wasn’t gonna die, yes. But I knew I couldn’t wait around anymore.”

Sougo softened, something like a laugh or love curling his lips up. “You just had to go and steal my thunder didn’t you China?”

Kagura grinned, her arms tightening around him. “Just hold me you stupid dog.” Sougo cradled her head against his neck and did as she asked.

Shinpachi’s smile couldn’t be contained as he looked at their sweet, if rather ridiculous, display of affection, as he directed the audience’s attention towards him. He wanted to give them a little privacy at least, they deserved that much. “Even a deep rooted desire for revenge can’t defeat these two! Is there no one who can challenge them? We’ll find out after the break!” Around them, the crowd cheered.

Inside the backroom, Kagura pushed down the centre of a bandage while Sougo tied it across his arm. “Stop pushing so hard! That hurts!”

“Don’t be a baby, it’s just a little bite.” Kagura mocked.

“You try being attacked by a hundred robot bats trying to save your sorry ass. Oh wait, you got frozen two seconds in.” Sougo sneered.

Kagura sniffed, “That’s not my fault. There’s no way I could’ve known what was gonna happen, yes.”

“See if I ever save you ever again.”

“Please, you like me too much to let me die.”

“Says the one who kissed me in front of hundreds of people.” Sougo cocked his head up ready for a fight.

“Yah?” Kagura jutted her forehead against his just as antagonistically, “Well you kissed me back, remember?”

“So what if I did? Are you expecting me to tell you how much I like you and how I’m just mad you beat me to it?”

“Well you better not be expecting me to say that I’ve obviously liked you for a long time, yes.”

She looked too cute then, her cheeks puffed up in annoyance and brows curved. Sougo couldn’t help but lean in and kiss her again, hard and commanding. She jumped, her hands tensing before curling around his biceps and kissing back just as fiercely. “Does this mean you have to buy me food and cute toys now?” She asked, looking more excited by the second.

Sougo rolled his eyes, “Am I just a meal ticket to you?” He grumbled.

“A cute one.” Kagura pinched his cheek as she laughed, brightening when he cracked a smile.

“Kondo-san is gonna flip when he finds out I got you before he got Boss Lady.” Sougo snickered.

“Heh. And Gin-chan too, yes! And Shinpachi and Sa-chan and that stupid lady from the convenience store who said I’d never get a boyfriend.” She snarled a little, before gesturing for a high five, “We’re obviously the best, yes.”

Sougo slapped her hand. “Obviously.”

* * *

 

When Shinpachi called them out, offering his congratulations with a soppy smile, Sougo was already on a kind of high where he felt like he was walking on Hijikata’s grave, so he almost didn’t spot it when it happened. The next fighter was prepping to enter the ring, a man in an eye-patch whispering something in his ear. Simultaneously, everything he had been missing hit him at once. Every time someone with that tattoo came to fight them, that guy had been there, eyeing him and Kagura, his fellow gang member, and the money behind them all. He had to be the leader, or at least someone important. Regardless, it was someone suspicious! On the momentum of his continuous victories, Sougo could barely contain his sadistic glee when eye-patch guy turned to look directly at him, exposing his neck…and the green tattoo plastered on it.

“China,” He called, “We’re going to celebrate tonight.” Letting himself warm up with the cuteness of Kagura’s confused head tilt, Sougo pointed right at the man in question and said, “Hey, instead of sending your minions to fight for you, why don’t you come challenge us yourself?”

“My, my, looks like we’ve been caught.” Eye-patch guy said and for a second, Sougo thought he’d won.

And then a dozen swords were drawn out.

As Kagura kicked back into a fighting stance, Sougo had to re-evaluate his life. Maybe, just _maybe_ , he had screwed up.

A bullet whizzed by his ear.

_Probably._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Oh Sougo, you silly problematic child. So yaaaay okikagu got together! Next chapter is the final chapter so I hope you're all excited for the climax and the return of ultimate dads Gin/Kondo/Hijikata to return to the picture. If you enjoyed the story so far, feel free to leave some kudos and comments!
> 
> Also, no one can convince me Kagura and Sougo wouldn't be the most holier than thou superiority complex couple in the world.


	5. There Really Isn't Any Rest For The Wicked

Kagura and Sougo launched away from each other, hurtling towards anyone with a nasty look on their face and a green tattoo. “Sougo you idiot!” Kagura yelled, her fists punching an overly intricate pattern of bruises into a Greenie. 

“What you mean idiot you China brat! I solved a crime! You should be praising me!” He shouted back, caught in a sparring match with a horror of a man. 

“You’re the most useless police officer I’ve ever seen!!” Shinpachi screeched, rushing to the audience. “Useless!” 

“Yeah!” Kagura helpfully supplied, flipping over Shinpachi to land a flying kick squarely into a woman’s face. 

Shinpachi rubbed at his shoulder frowning before assessing the entire room. As usual, his two friends were fighting like beasts with zero regard to collateral damage of either the animate or inanimate variety. Sighing, Shinpachi jumped atop a crate, ushered people out, waving his arms to the tsunami of a crowd as they burst out the exits. He couldn’t have anyone hurt due to the fighting and didn’t want Kagura or Sougo distracted by innocents (though he used the term loosely considering they were all a bunch of criminals or borderline). Right in front of him, a man was thrown to the ground, trampled beneath hundreds of frantic feet. Shinpachi couldn’t help but facepalm, “Why can you mob types never be civil?!!” He complained, pushing through the crowd and hauling the man up, shouldering the burden of being shoved and elbowed. “Go on, get out of here!” Shinpachi urged, before a hand ripped at his collar and sent him flying backwards across the floor.

Wincing, Shinpachi looked to see two Greenies grinning down at him, one with a broad sword and the other with something that looked like a mace. “Hello Mr. MC.” 

Shinpachi waved, “Hello.” Slowly, he pushed himself off the ground, dusting at his pants, “Now listen, you two look like reasonable men maybe we could-”

The tall one whipped his mace around, the ball whishing past Shinpachi’s ear. “OK SO YOU’RE NOT REASONABLE! NOT REASONABLE AT ALL!” His hand shot to his waist only to realize his sword wasn’t there, lost in the fray. 

Panicking, Shinpachi burst into a run towards the exit, certain it had fallen when he helped that guy off the floor. Sure enough, he spotted it a few metres away before he felt the air move quickly. Whirling around, he nearly caught the wrong end of a sword to the kidney before he ducked, rolling out the way. The two men circled him and Shinpachi had no choice but to face them with nothing in his hand. 

Sword guy ran at him forcing him to duck and dodge, his breath coming in pants. He managed to get in a sharp jab into the guy’s face before the one with the mace swung at him. His body arched to the left but his momentum sent him tumbling. Shinpachi crashed to the floor only to see the sword come flying at him before it clamored against a purple umbrella. The air crackled with a violent ferocity. “Get. A. Way.” Kagura hissed, sliding her umbrella out from under the sword to send it swinging into the man’s head.

“Glasses!” Shinpachi’s hand shot out automatically as Sougo threw his wooden sword across the warehouse. “You forgot something.” 

Shinpachi sucked in a breath, his muscles throbbing to get up get up get up. The sword in his hand gave him a fire, battering into the head of the mace and sending it backwards into its wielder’s direction. Kagura and Shinpachi jumped back to back. “It’s been a while since we’ve fought like this.” Shinpachi mused, eyes already locked on his targets.

Kagura grinned, “It’s been a while since we’ve gotten up to no good, yes.” 

Shinpachi swung his sword behind him, missing Kagura’s head by inches as she ducked beneath his arm in a graceful curve, splattering bullets in an arc. Mace guy roared, his eye stuck shut with blood as he swung at the two of them. Kagura’s umbrella burst open, shielding them from the blow as Shinpachi swiped at his legs so his knees scraped the concrete before he parried a blow from another swordsman, careening his blade down to the man’s pommel. The following blow to the head knocked him out, “Stop being cool Pachi-boy, it’s grossing me out.” Kagura proclaimed, her nose squished up like she smelt something putrid.

Shinpachi sputtered indignantly, “You’re not cool either you know! You still watch Saturday morning cartoons!” 

Eye twitching, Kagura grabbed the nearest assailant and knocked him out cold by hurtling him in Shinpachi’s general direction. The man smashed into a wall as Shinpachi screeched and ducked. “HEY!” 

“Don’t insult cartoons! They’re educational, yes!” 

“And yet you still say herpes me instead of help me.” He sassed.

Shrieking, Kagura leapt at him, pulling at his cheeks. Shinpachi’s eyes widened, licking his lips to try and speak between the tugging, “K-kagura-ch-”

“DON’T INTERUPT ME YOU STUPID GANGSTER!” She hollered as her elbow slammed into another guy’s stomach sending him careening into the floor. 

Somewhere else in the room, Sougo clutched his heart in between slicing a man down. What a girl. 

Distracted, he didn’t notice the woman sneaking up behind him until she was already close enough to stab him through the chest. “You have yourself quite the beast there.” She licked her lips as she stared. 

Side-stepping just far enough to avoid being staked through the heart and merely only grazed- well, his definition of grazed may have been confused for stabbed, but semantics were never his forte- Sougo crouched to catch his breath, the smell of blood overwhelming his nostrils. He straightened so his sword caught the tip of hers as he pressed hard, “She’s incredible right? But I’m going to have to gouge out your eyes now for looking at her weird.” He said offhandedly as he slid his sword down her own to send it soaring past her face, catching her in the cheek. 

The woman jumped up, twirling her sword around before pointing it upwards. She threw herself at him again and they danced around their blades. “They hyped you up a lot killer dog,” her sword slid dangerously down his and he jumped back, panting, “but I can see now they were just exaggerating.” 

“Is that why you’re panting?” He taunted, his eyes going dark, his fingers curling even tighter around the pommel. 

He didn’t wait for her reply before he pounced on her, but she wasn’t alone as two more of her friends joined in on the fray and their collisions released sparks. The metal screeched and his vision narrowed until only this corner of the world existed and still, it wasn’t enough. He quickly found himself stepping back, his offense being overtaken by defense as he struggled to counter three blades at once. He swung ferociously, his mouth opened in what he thought might be a roar but with only the force for a grunt as he bashed his way through the wall their swords created before stopping cold. Two swords crossed at his neck and he was kicked to his knees. His glare burned with rage and destruction. The fury in his chest was nothing compared to the absolutely smothering feeling of defeat. 

“You know,” the woman cooed, “if you hadn’t tried to play hero, we could have just beaten you on that stage and taken the money fair and square and finally showed all of Edo that nobody, not even the monsters of Kabuchiko, could stand in our way.” 

Her foot flew into his chest until the air burst out of him and black spots danced across his vision, “But no.” she mourned, her heel digging into his ribs like she was trying to bury it in him, “You just had to go and ruin everything. So now we have no choice but to escalate everything.” He watched as two other guys went to pick up the safe with the prize money and nod at her. 

She gave Sougo one last kick before jerking her head in her friends’ directions, “Let’s go.” 

Sougo sat silently, waiting for the moment where the swords would inch away just a fraction. A fraction was all he needed. The woman turned her back and Sougo couldn’t help the tiniest of smirks edge across his face. The man reached into his pocket for something, the sword moving ever so slightly and Sougo threw his body backwards beneath the swords’ V, his hands moving to collapse the soft part of their knees before his skull exploded into pain as the back of a sword battered into it. Blood spurt from his forehead, soaking his bangs and dripping over his cheekbones. Sougo toppled towards the floor and the two gangsters picked him, hauling him out to the exit. Waiting for them, the man in the eye patch smiled. Sougo’s head burst into sparks and he tried to force himself awake. His eyes slid shut seconds later. 

Drip. 

Drop.

Sougo’s blood dripped to the floor.

The world silenced except for the blood that ashened Kagura’s face. Drip drip drop. His blood left a smear on the floor. Drip drip drop. The world exploded into sound-drip-a woman’s laughter- drip- a man’s triumphant breath- drip- swords scraping the concrete beneath them. Drop. “Let. Him. GOOOO!” Kagura lurched up from her sweeping kick and raced to Sougo’s direction only to be blocked by a row of Green Markhors. 

She was seeing red, every living thing looked like a target and her blood was aching, throbbing, shuddering with the urge to kill kill killkillkill. Sweat dripped from her brow and her hand felt clammy around her umbrella as her steps thundered across the hall, the concrete cracking beneath her. A wave of opponents-enemies-the people who took her partner hers hers she was going toshewasgoingto- an arm pushed against her chest like an iron bar. 

Shinpachi gave her his back and where she was hot, raging burning aching with fire, he was cool like the rain. “I’m going to distract them and you’re going to save our friend. But I won’t let you pass if you’re not the Kagura-chan we both love.” 

He should have been afraid, trembling at the knees, sweating from every pore, hearing his heartbeat thud thud thudding in his ears because she was a Yato and she could rip him apart in one blow. Her fury seethed beneath her skin and it spread blackness across every inch of her. He must have felt her bloodlust, it reeked like death. But he stood like a lighthouse, silently strong against the storm so much bigger. His arm against her chest didn’t tremble and his voice didn’t waver. 

Kagura bit her lip so hard it bled and she had to force her body to stay still from how hard she was shaking with the need for annihilation of the most barbaric kind. “S-sougo, they took-”

“I know. We’ll save him. We will.” Because we didn’t include the monster that lived and shrieked within her that she’d been trying to crush for so long. 

Kagura was gasping. The air wouldn’t seem to get into her lungs. She was breathless, trying to contain everything inside. 

She leaned her head against his shoulder. She was incredibly lucky, she knew. Incredibly blessed, incredibly fortunate, incredibly loved. She breathed and her vision expanded and her brain felt less cluttered, she felt more in control. Her voice cracked. “Shi-”

“I won’t let you lose to yourself.” Shinpachi said with such a surety that it seized her heart. 

Shinpachi dropped his arm and squeezed her hand for just a moment. His callouses were rough against her skin that could never be marred. He jumped into the crowd and drew their vindictiveness unto himself, so she could leap over the fray and chase after her boyfriend and every last piece of shit who took him. She wrenched herself from her spot and looked back as she ran and saw him intent on the battle, his sword spiralling and overtaking everyone who came in his path. She hated to abandon him in a fight, hated it with every single part of her, but he’d come after her. He’d win, and he’d come for them. Shinpachi would never lose a fight if he thought his friends needed him. Never. Because that was the kind of samurai he was and that’s what made him braver than anybody. 

Of that, Kagura had no doubt. 

Shinpachi heard her leave but kept his eyes focused on the battle ahead. His sword cut through the wave one by one. Finally, he battered the head of one more guy and as he collapsed, his shoulders heaved with relief to find no one else standing. Shinpachi fell to the floor, his arms supporting him as he gazed up, breathing hard. He knew he couldn’t stay still for long, he needed to gather them and tie them all up in case they woke up, but for a second, just for a moment, he wanted to rest, and relish a little, in his victories, and hope Kagura and Sougo would fare just as well. After all the fighting, the silence was kinda nice. 

That is, until he looked around again and just collapsed spread eagle on the floor with a giant sigh. 

Even during a crisis, he still got stuck with clean up. 

\---OOO----

 

Gin howled, smacking the pachinko machine repeatedly, “Why do you hurt me so? What has Gin-san ever done to you? Haven’t I come to you faithfully all these years?” He mourned, head hung low.

With a dramatic sigh, he dug into his pockets finding one lone, miserable coin. Looking at it intensely, he thought about the lack of food in the fridge and then looked at the screen full of blatant lies promising riches beyond imagining. “If I win I’ll buy Kagura a room extension.” He promised, dropping the balls in the slot, taking a sip of sake for luck, and turning the knob. 

Gin crossed his fingers. 

And then howled. 

“SCREW YOU UNIVERSE! I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY!” He returned to beating the machine with zero remorse.

Beside him, a stranger pat him on the shoulder, “It’s okay bro, no one ever wins at these games.”

Sullenly, Gin turned his head. “Who’s your bro?” 

Paying Gin no mind, the man offered him a flyer. “Here, you should come check this place out. I’ve made tons of cash betting on fights there. The key is to look at who’s angrier.” He said, laughing at his own bad advice. 

Gin stared at the flyer. UNDERGROUND FIGHT RING, MAKE HUNDREDS IN JUST TEN MINUTES! ILLEGAL ALIEN VS. TRAINED KILLER! Beneath the words in humungous font, two figures launched at each other. Gin squinted. That girl looked an awfully lot like Kagura, more muscular though…and that guy…he squinted harder…his uniform looked too familiar. Gin stared. And then he screamed. “THOSE BRATS!” 

Grabbing the stranger by his lapels, Gin shook him remorselessly, the man’s head wobbling around like it would fall straight off, “Where is this?? And when?? Those shitty brats have been getting rich behind my back!” He paused, “And doing dangerous things! Obviously I care about that. I’m a responsible adult.” He nodded assertively, like that would be any more convincing.

More or less regretting the entirety of his life choices, the man held up his hands, “H-Hey man, it’s just down by the port, you’ll know it when you see it.”

Gin dropped the guy and ran out the door, hopping on his bike. He knew something was going on! He just knew it! He was going to ground them! Or confiscate their snacks! Or-or, something! Who raised those idiots anyway? 

(So maybe he was a bit of a bad influence, but who knew kids would take their parents’ worst traits!) 

Gin drove past dozens of normal warehouses before spotting one with the doors blown right off and dents poking out the walls. Knowing with 100% certainty this was the one because he knew Kagura and that bad influence no good cop Sougo and also knew that Shinpachi, no matter how hard he might try, could never quite reign their destructive tendencies in. Bursting in with dramatic flair, Gin’s mouth was open, ready to yell, before being confronted with emptiness. The inside was in shambles. Beams from the ceiling had crashed into the floor, wood splinters everywhere and the ceiling looking increasingly dangerous to be under. The ring was torn in places, the rope sagging pathetically, and the concession stand was pillaged and broken in two. Gin’s stomach clenched. 

Shit. 

He should’ve known better.

His foot stepped into a puddle of blood.

His mouth tasted of metal. 

Shit. 

His footsteps echoed in the destruction before a sword tip was pressed against his throat. Gin stood still, his posture too relaxed for someone about to be decapitated. “I thought we got rid of you pe- oh! Gin-san!” Shinpachi sounded relieved, before he started panicking, “GIN-SAN?! AHAHAH IT’S GIN-SAN! HOW ARE YOU!!” Retracting his sword immediately, Shinpachi’s hand fisted into his hair as he laughed uncontrollably.

Gin smacked him atop his head like a lightning bolt. He stared. Shinpachi kept laughing. Gin stared some more. He knew Shinpachi wouldn’t crack…not without a little persuasion. “Pachi-boy,” soft and cajoling, “you’ve always been such a good boy. Always cleaning up after us and following the rules. Otae and I could always rely on you to do the right thing, not like that naughty Kagura.”

The pressure inside Shinpachi got bigger and bigger and bigger, don’t break don’t break. It was fine, it was fine-

“Your poor sister-”

Shinpachi broke. (DON’T JUDGE! He had a self-preservation instinct too you know!!) “IT WASN’T MY IDEA!!” 

Gin sighed. “Of course it wasn’t. You don’t have enough audacity to pull this off. A fight club…” he snorts, “Can’t believe you two went behind my back like I was some kind of adult. You’re making me into the adult Shinpachi! I’m not mentally equipped for that!!” He said insistently.

Not knowing whether to be offended or not, Shinpachi tried to use his body to hide the door keeping the hostages. “Well, you caught us. You’re too clever for us Gin-san. And you’re being such a good adult about it too, you shouldn’t worry so much. Why don’t you go on home and I’ll clean up this mess, bring some dinner, and we’ll call it a day?” He suggested, trying to look as innocent as possible. 

Gin’s eyes may have looked expressionless, but Shinpachi could see the suspicion. “Where’s Kagura? And that good for nothing cop. I knew he was a bad influence, corrupting you two like that. You’ve never excluded poor Gin-san before. Hijikata was right, eventually all kids leave the nest and start to do crime without the ones who taught them how to do them in the first place.” He fake wept and Shinpachi couldn’t help but roll his eyes. 

“Those two got into a huge fight and ruined everything and then left!” He threw his hands up into the air, getting more and more into it. “Can you believe them! Who do they think I am? Their mother? I’m not going to clean up after them this time!” He thought he sounded pretty convincing really. 

He should be an actor. And play the male lead in Otsu’s music videos. And then seduce her slowly and then date her and then marry her and father her children and then- Gin smacked him again.

“Who taught you to lie! Who’s raising you? A gorilla!?” Gin stopped, “Well I suppose maybe a gorilla is raising you, in which case-”

“My sister’s not a gorilla! And I’m telling the truth! They left!” Gin looked almost convinced and Shinpachi’s sigh of relief was just about ready before something clattered in the back room.

Shinpachi’s shoulders tensed. 

Gin blinked. 

“Ah.” He said.

“Ah? Ah what! There’s no ah! There’s nothing!” Shinpachi yelled, rushing to push Gin back, but bigger and burlier, Gin walked right past his protégé, swinging the door open to find a giant of a guy tied up with rope against a pole, a makeshift gag in his mouth and a broomstick toppled next to his foot. Next to him were eight other people just the same. 

Screw the universe. Seriously. 

Expressionless, Gin pulled the door shut and crossed his arms. 

“You’re grounded.” 

Shinpachi’s head dropped. 

“Figures.” 

\---OOO----

 

Sougo woke up to his head pulsing, his side aching from his wound, and a bunch of bruises saying hello. So, not the worst he’s ever been, but he’s had a hell of a lot better. His wrists felt chafed and he tugged to find them handcuffed or at least tied behind his back, as were his feet. He wiggled some more, trying to find a weak knot or any structural weakness he could use before the man with the eye patch strode into his vision like a cliché supervillain. “I’m glad you’re awake, we’ve been waiting.” He greeted. 

“Can someone untie me, I’m going to kill you slowly and carve you like a pumpkin, but the chair’s gonna slow me down a little.” He drawled happily.

The man cracked a smile, “Make your jokes now Captain, you won’t have a smile when we chop off your head to send to your Commander.” 

To his credit, Sougo didn’t stiffen or widen his eyes. He suspected this would be their endgame after that woman’s mini tirade before she bashed him in the head like a coward. It was just a power move, both to the criminal underworld and the political one. Just another overly dramatic way to say don’t mess with us, as though killing a cop you kidnapped and tied up was anything to brag about. Although, technically, they did overpower him at the warehouse…but that was against the goddamn point and when he sliced them all up like freaking sashimi he was going to make swords from their goddamn blood like a tyrant king. 

“You don’t need me awake to kill me, you know that right? Or is your head really as empty as it looks?” He sneered, his hands tugging at his bonds with slightly more energy.

The man looked almost apologetic, “You don’t get to die like that Captain Okita of the First Division. It’s not enough to kill you, we have to show the world what a pathetic lot the Shinsengumi is. You’re going to be our symbol.” His voice raised as though it was some renowned honor to bestow. 

Sougo’s eyes looked like lava, his mouth pulled in a glower. 

“Your face will freeze forever with a look of terror and defeat, so glare while you can. You’ll be a disgrace to the Shinsengumi when we’re finished with you.” 

Sougo tugged harder, his lip curling in frustration as the same woman who knocked him out came sauntering over like a jungle cat. “I’ll take it from here Lucius.” 

She licked the knife as she edged nearer, “I hear you’re a sadist,” she murmurs, “if that’s true, then you’re definitely gonna get a kick out of this. I call it the Alexa special” Her knife teases his Adam’s apple, drawing the finest line of blood before sinking deeper as she edges down his chest. 

Sougo winced, his breath coming in short spurts. He hoped they don’t get Kagura. He hoped they don’t get Shinpachi. He hoped he died before he broke. He hoped- and suddenly the ceiling was caving in and cement and metal pipes slammed into the floor like meteors. Alexa’s head snapped upwards, her body curved in a defensive position, but Sougo was already groaning at the yelling he knew was coming. 

She emerged from the dust like some psycho heroine and her hair had come loose from her buns so that it fell over her eyes. “Sougo you little shit, what kinda boyfriend are you, ditching their girlfriend like that, yes?” 

He smiled, a real true smile before it curled into a smirk, “The kind of boyfriend who’s already sick of their obnoxious girlfriend.” 

Kagura caught his eye and Sougo, who’s never really believed in anything like true connections or red strings of fate, felt something that made him wonder. He felt her relief just as acutely as he was sure she felt his. It didn’t matter he knew, where they were or who they’d fight, they were undominatable together, like a wildfire carried in a tornado. She might have saved him this time, but he’d save her the next, and the next, and the cycle would continue. They could take over the galaxy if they wanted to. 

Kagura ran at Alexa, jabbing and dodging, her leg kicking out into her neck, sending her stumbling. Kagura smirked, landing a punch right into her jaw so that Alex spasmed, leaving her vulnerable to Kagura bending back her wrist, breaking it, as she stole her sword, swinging around to slice clean through Sougo’s bonds and handing the weapon over to him. “I hate swords.” She complained, holding it out to him like a dirty tissue. 

“That’s because you’re an unrefined fighting machine.” He stabbed clean through Alexa and it felt like revenge of the sweetest kind. 

Dozens of Greenies flooded the cramped room with full body shields, surrounding their leader. Despite the chaos, Lucius stood calmly at the back, his hands clasped across his front. “You think we wouldn’t be prepared for something like this?” 

He clicked his tongue, “Why do you think we sent so many of our own fighters into your arena?” Sougo knew what he was going to say before he said it, his fist clenched at how stupid he was. 

“You’ve shown your hand Okita Sougo of the Shinsengumi and Kagura of the Yorozuya. You can’t surprise us anymore-” 

But Kagura couldn’t be bothered to finish listening before she launched forward, intent on pummeling him in front of all his subordinates. “You idiot!” Sougo reached out a hand to pull her back but the two lines of Greenies surrounding Lucius simultaneously shook their knives so that they elongated into spears, edges poised right at Kagura’s heart. She skidded to a halt, gawking at how their spears effectively blocked an entry point both above and below. Sougo scoffed. Spears may be able to block her fists, but Sougo saw the way clearly with his sword that could cut through steel. “China! Fall back!” 

He launched from his spot only to have adrenaline surge through his veins as a barrage of bullets rain down on them. He rolled onto the floor, jerking to hide behind a pillar as bullets dug holes in it. Kagura grunted, her umbrella bursting open and absorbing the impact, trying to fire back but not being to aim properly. “Sadist!” she cried.

“I’m fine.” He shot back, “You’re not so much better off that you can worry about me.” He jeered. 

Kagura’s scowl deepened. In front of her, she could hear Lucius laugh as the spearmen advanced towards her, but she couldn’t focus on that as her fingers knocked out bullets in the air. The gunfire stopped and Sougo came rushing out to slice them up only to find them above in the balconies as they were trapped below with the ever approaching spearmen. His feet moved like they were dragging through sand as he took real notice of what was going on around them. Their plan was obvious really. The spears would keep getting closer, they’d have to keep backing up until they hit the wall that was probably too thick to burst through, at least not with one punch. They wouldn’t get any more time than that before the guns got them. 

Sougo had to laugh. 

In all the ruckus, he couldn’t help but feel outplayed. Kagura’s martial arts were useless if she couldn’t get to the body without being speared. Long distance fighting wasn’t her forte, not by far. If she couldn’t touch it, she didn’t want to fight it. And Sougo’s sword was useless if he was being shot at by enemies he couldn’t reach. If he could be up there, he could have cut them all down without a graze. The Green Markhors weren’t trying to fight with honor or skill, they were trying to win. And they had seen so many of their matches that it was inevitable they’d see their weaknesses too. His grip around his sword tightened. 

But they were forgetting just one thing. 

He stood up from his position behind the pillar, motioning for Kagura to join him. She ran to him as she dodged the rain of bullets, stumbling into him as they both crouched behind her umbrella. “What do you want idiot Chihuahua? Can’t you see I’m trying to shoot those annoying cockroaches?”

He flicked her on the forehead, “Is that anyway to talk to the love of your life?” 

She glared at him, pulling away to run back into the fray before his hand curled around her wrist. “Hey.” He said, less annoying this time, “Remember what you said? That we could never lose?” 

She turned to him, impatient and on edge, “What good is that now?” Though she looked gentler than before. 

He gripped her tighter, leaning into her so that his nose just brushed hers. “Don’t you see it? Guns for me, spears for you. They probably thought we hated each other, too arrogant to rely on one another in a real fight since we always outcompeted each other in the ring.”

Kagura blinked and then really looked at him, “You’re secretly a huge softie aren’t you, yes?” She teased, wearing a shit-eating grin. 

Sougo grimaced, already pulling away but stopped when Kagura pressed into him for a kiss. 

“For the record, I do hate you, yes.” She smiled.

Sougo wrinkled his nose, “The feeling’s mutual Miss. Piggie.” 

They could hear the men approaching and concocted another of their classic shouldn’t-work-but-ends-up-working anyway kinda plan.

“Ugh this feels wrong. Unnatural.” He complained.

“Shut up you stupid dog, do you want to live or not?” She shot back, handing him her umbrella with a sad sort of look.

The umbrella burst open and Sougo looked at his girlfriend one more time before running into the open space, wincing at the force of the bullets. He held his ground, peeking out from the rim of purple to get better aim before retaliating back. 

“Haven’t you had enough Captain? You’ve already given everything away.” Lucius said in a mockery of pity. 

Sougo curled his hands around the handle tighter and planted his feet into the ground with a greater surety than he’d ever felt. “You haven’t seen anything yet.” 

He kept on shooting and hoped no one could hear the crack of concrete. 

Lucius took a step forward, “Come now, what can someone like you do now?”

Cracks spread across the pillar’s surface and there were murmurs from the ranks. Kagura pulled back her fist once more and the pillar went crashing into the balcony, scraping alongside the wall leaving a dramatic scar. It destroyed the glass railings of the balcony, crushing one of the gunmen atop it. 

Kagura smirked from behind the dust, “Haven’t you heard? We’re the monsters of Kabukicho.” 

The couple glanced at each other, throwing their weapons in a simultaneous exchange. Catching them at the same time, they pounced. Kagura leapt atop the pillar, sprinting across it to make it to the balcony. With the gunmen’s attention on the red-haired menace, Sougo was free to break apart the ranks. It helped too, that Kagura tossed the bodies down below, sending some of the more weak-willed Greenies scrambling. Sougo’s sword sliced at the metal tips of the spears before kicking a shield with the strength of a rhino, sending the man toppling. With one man out of rank, the rest was child’s play. He stormed through them like pudding and from above, he could hear Kagura’s cackling as she caught bullets between her teeth and kicked men down with ease. 

Done, she flipped over the remaining part of the bannister and landed next to him, dusting off her shirt flippantly. Lucius looked around him, assessing the damage and realized he was alone. Slowly, he pulled his sword out of its scabbard and raised it. Kagura and Sougo looked at each other only to throw their heads back and laugh. Sougo gestured towards him with extravagant politeness, “Do you want to do it, or should I?” 

“Obviously we’re going to do it together. We’re a couple now, we’re supposed to have hobbies together, yes. That’s what Anue says.” 

Sougo nodded, “That’s fair.” 

Lucius jabbed at Sougo’s face before they could react, only to be blocked by Kagura’s umbrella. The man blocked an oncoming punch but had to quickly duck as Sougo’s sword soared atop his head. The man was fast, they’d give him that much. But even he couldn’t parry with them for long. Sougo attacked from above and Kagura pounced from below and he was on his knees trying to beg for his life before the both of them knocked the blunt ends of their weapons against his head in disgust. 

They turned to each other to gloat (and take the spotlight, but that’s just details) before the door flew open again and Shinpachi’s frazzled face took up their view.

“Guys! I’m glad you’re safe but listen-”

“Shinpachi!” Kagura cried, throwing her arms around him tightly, “You lived!” 

Shinpachi squawked, looking indignant, “I’m a samurai you know! A samurai!” But Kagura was still hugging him, so he sighed, his fingers carding through her hair. “Never mind that, I’m just glad you two are okay.” He stepped back from her embrace to grip Sougo on the shoulder, “Are you alright?” 

“I’m the Captain of the Shinsengumi, of course I’m alright.” He said, his nose in the air.

“So you’re only pretending to look stabbed and shot?” Shinpachi asked, voice dry.

Sougo stuck out his tongue. 

Shinpachi looked like he was about to say more when the trio heard yelling and a ridiculous amount of swearing. Shinpachi blanched and started laughing uncontrollably. “So I brought guests.” He said, stepping slowly away from the two. 

Gin and Hijikata came running through the doors at the same time looking positively furious, an equally disappointed, but more worried Kondo followed after them. “SOUGO!” Hijikata yelled, marching right up to the boy who was trying hard to look anywhere but at him.

“Ahh,” he sniffed, “Did someone drag in some dog shit?” 

Hijikata swiped at his head. 

Kagura caught Gin’s eye and wondered if he’d buy fake tears. When he grabbed her shoulders and started shaking her she thought probably not. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Show Gin-san where they cut you!” 

Her face softened, and she reached for his hands. “I’m fine Gin-chan.” She said, “We’re both fine.” 

Her guardian looked relieved for a moment before the anger came back and he was shaking her again. “Good! Because you’re grounded forever! Forever and a week! Trying to make money-”

Kagura squealed, tackling her earth dad to the floor and covering his mouth. Shinpachi’s eyes widened as he rushed to pull her off Gin and settle them both down. Meanwhile, Sougo stared impassively at his superiors. “I don’t see why you’re so upset. I took down the gang like I said I would.” 

Hijikata waved his hand around so his cigarette ash went flying. “Don’t try and pull that with me. I caught that permhead speeding trying to get here and he told me everything.”

Sougo tried to look innocent, “That I orchestrated a genius plot to bring down an entire gang with no backup?” 

Kondo patted his shoulder, “That’s my boy, always so smart-”

“Kondo-san!” Hijikata choked, “You heard what Yorozuya said. Him and that China girl have been running an illegal fight ring for weeks and it was just by coincidence they even got the Green Markhors involved!” 

Sougo sent a glare Gin’s way. Traitor. 

Kagura’s hands left Gin’s mouth immediately. “You TOLD?!” She shrieked.

“You were making money without me! I was betrayed!” Gin yelled back.

“Stupid Gin-chan!” 

“I’ll ground you forever you know! You could have died in this crappy warehouse! If it weren’t for Shinpachi we’d have never found your bodies!” Gin yelled in his usual dramatic way, but the grip around her arms was desperate, like he couldn’t believe he had ever let go.

She caught Shinpachi’s eye before turning back to Gin, trying to look as sincere as she felt. “I’m sorry Gin-chan. It was just a game at first. We didn’t mean for it to get so out of control, yes.” 

Gin sighed, patting her and Shinpachi on the head. “It’s perfectly natural to cause a disaster wherever you go. But we’re the Yorozuya, we’re supposed to be a disaster together.”

Kagura nodded seriously as Shinpachi felt another migraine coming on. “That’s really not-” he tried to reprimand, before sighing and deciding what the hell, he’d just enjoy the moment. 

Across from them, Hijikata was busy looking irate. “You could have died Sougo, did that occur to you? Alone with no backup and they would have paraded your body around town. How do you think we’d feel?” Hijikata glared, his cigarette snuffed out. “You should have called us in the second you figured it out. The Shinsengumi don’t leave anyone behind.” Behind the anger, there was a deep seriousness, a loyalty that Sougo knew would never die no matter how awful he’d get to his commander. 

Sometimes it scared him. How much he knew he was cared for despite his sister being gone. That she wasn’t the only reason he had a family. That he had guardians who wouldn’t leave him just because he was him. 

Sougo’s gaze fell to the floor and he had the decency to look just a little ashamed. 

“I thought I could handle it. You take things on by yourself all the time.” He retorted.

Kondo clapped his hand atop his shoulder, a gentle expression on his face. “And who is that berates him for being so short-sighted?”

Sougo scowled, “Fine. But I’m not going to apologize to a mayo lover.” 

“What’s wrong with mayo?! It’s the master condiment!” 

“No, you’re just delusional.” 

Hijikata snapped, going off about inferior palettes and being a disgrace to humanity. Ignoring his friend, Kondo stepped closer to his ward, “I’m glad you and China are okay, but really Sougo,” his grin turned salacious though as he snickered, “If you wanted to look cool in front of China-san you could have told us-”

Sougo choked, sputtering as Hijikata stopped his rant to snort. “I wasn’t trying to impress that brat! You don’t pay me enough!”

Hijikata smacked him atop his head, “We pay your board and for your meals, your salary is more than enough you ingrate.” 

Sougo wanted to say something, caught between an insult and a sneer, but a rumble cut him off. Simultaneously, the six of them looked up at the ceiling to see a web of cracks running through it, dust and rubble tumbling around them. Kagura let out a nervous laugh. Hijikata turned on her like lightening. “China…do you have something to say?” Looking one second before crazy.

“We may have destroyed the building?” She admitted, pointing at the fallen pillar and the dozens of impact spots in the walls and floor. 

Shinpachi facepalmed behind her. 

Kondo clapped his hands together, “Alright everyone let’s run!” 

The six of them sprinted out of the room, just making it out into the hallway before a dramatic crash echoed behind them. Screaming, they raced to the exit, throwing themselves onto the grass just to watch the entire warehouse collapse in on itself, taking down the electricity lines next to it and its smokestack toppling into the building next to it, scraping off a decent portion of its upper half. Sougo and Kagura glanced at each other, heads dropping. Like a domino effect, the entire string of electric wires ripped from their perches, knocking out the lighting across the whole block. 

“Figures.” Sougo muttered. 

Kondo tried to smile. “Well, at least we all made it out safely.”

Hijikata glowered, “When I’m through with them, they’re going to wish they hadn’t.” 

Kagura and Shinpachi slowly back tracked over to Gin, clutching at his arms. “You won’t let him take us right Gin-chan? Right?” 

“Yeah, you couldn’t just stand by while we get tortured and do nothing right Gin-san? Right?” 

Gin brought his hands atop their heads and hugged them close, “Oh Shinpachi, Kagura, a father will do anything for his children,” they beamed at him, trying to snuggle closer before his voice froze like ice and his smile reflected the sadist he truly was, “but once kids leave the nest, there’s not much their father can do.” 

Hijikata grabbed them by the scruffs of their necks as they shrieked, pleading with their leader to save them. “Gin-chaaaaaan!! I promise I’ll watch those crappy dramas with you and go to Ketsuno Ana TV guide signings!”

“Gin-san! I’ll cook for you every day! And clean your bathroom after you shave!” 

But Gin just grinned and waved, “We don’t have food at home so make sure you feed them something! Or not, your call. I trust your judgement Vice Chief” He called, but Hijikata just grunted in reply as he stuffed the three kids into the back of the cop car and drove off. 

Gin chuckled a little as he started making his way back home. Hijikata was right, there were no such thing as kids not up to no good. But that was alright, what was life without a few shenanigans. He paused mid-step, turning around to follow after the police car, humming as he went. Those goofballs didn’t really think he’d leave them to the Demon Vice Chief’s whims, did they? Not like that mayo obsessed idiot would scare them all that much anyway, he was just as worried as the rest of them when he heard about Sougo being kidnapped, looking just about ready to kill anyone in sight. 

Hijikata wouldn’t do anything, but it’s good to let kids be scared sometimes, teach them some discipline! Gin nodded to himself, obviously he should write a parenting book. Evidently, he was a natural. 

\---OOO----

 

All in all, it really wasn’t that bad. 

Hijikata dragged all three of them into three different rooms to stew with the guilt as he went into each one to interrogate them “to make sure they didn’t have time to corroborate a story.” Really, he was just too thorough. Meanwhile, Kondo led the team to round up the tied up Markhors in the fight club warehouse while sending an ambulance and evacuation team to make sure anyone trapped in the building collapse would be rescued. Another team set a perimeter to catch anyone who might have ran during the fighting and all in all, it looked like the streets of Kabuchiko got a little safer…even if it did get a little roughed up in the process. 

In the end, after Hijikata had gotten every excruciating detail and yelled his fair share, he threw them together in an overnight cell to go in for the kill. Though Shinpachi was pretty sure it was because they had actual criminals to put into solitary and also that Hijikata was slowly being driven insane by Gin’s incessant jabbering and so was going to let them out soon anyway. Still, Hijikata knew he had one last punishment to give out. Standing dramatically so the light hit him from behind, he banged his hand across the bars to get their attention. “So apparently, you all made a hundred grand in your scheme.”

Kagura’s eyes welled up knowing instantly where he was heading, “Toshi no!! Don’t do this” she wailed.

“I will!” a pause, “And don’t call me that!” he snapped.

“Hijikata-san, let’s not rush into anything, don’t you agree we did the district a service? We earned that money!” Sougo defended.

“Hijikata-san have mercy!” Shinpachi pleaded, “I need to get into Otsu-chan’s next concert, I NEED to!” 

The Vice Chief ignored them. “You three need to learn there are consequences for your actions. That money is going into repairs for all the damage you caused in your recklessness. You’re lucky I’m not fining your broke asses.” 

Shinpachi was regretting hiding the real money in the Shinsengumi base. 

The three of them sulked, their pleading and whining falling on deaf ears as Hijikata locked the cell behind him and disappeared. The silence was devastating. 

Shinpachi sighed, leaning his head against the wall, “So, in the end, we’re right back where we started.” 

“Broke.” Kagura agreed, imagining all the snacks she could have bought. 

“Grounded.” Sougo added, already thinking about all the chores now added to his list and the low-ranking missions he’d be getting now. 

“And perpetually in trouble.” Shinpachi moaned, sliding further down the wall. 

Sougo closed his eyes, a small smile showing through, “Can’t say we didn’t have fun though.” 

Kagura chuckled, “Seeing everyone’s face when they saw us take out that Shinzo guy was pretty cool, yes.” 

“Or when we did that joint backflip kick.” 

“MC-ing was pretty fun…” Shinpachi admitted.

“You had some great one-liners Pachi-boy.” Kagura agreed. 

The three looked at each other and sighed again. Shinpachi tried to grin, “Well, we all knew it was bound to end sometime, at least we didn’t get in any real trouble. We have all our limbs and sure we don’t have a hundred thousand dollars, but we still have our savings.” 

Sougo and Kagura looked away guiltily. Shinpachi shook his head, not even surprised.

“I maxed out my credit card at a convenience store.” Kagura mumbled.

“I…may have bought three new knives I didn’t need... and a pack of hand grenades” Sougo said, ashamed. 

A beat.

And then, “Ok fine, I blew all my savings on Otsu merch.” 

The three of them looked at one another and suddenly burst into laughter. “We really are idiots.” Shinpachi laughed, head tilted back, shoulders finally freeing themselves of their deep-rooted tension. 

“Plus, at least one good thing came of this.” He pointed at Kagura and Sougo, smiling, “You finally did the world the favor and got together. Kabukicho is safe from your property destroying messed up way of flirting.” 

“Shut up glasses.” Kagura snapped back instantly, but she couldn’t help but look at little happy. 

“Wait, WHAT?!” At the sound of Gin’s horrified choking, Kagura’s eyes widened like saucers.

“Shinpachi you idiot!!” She yelled, running towards the bars, trying to reach her father figure. 

“Gin-chan, it’s not what you think-”

“First the crimes and now a boyfriend?! When did you become such a rebel? You’re breaking papa’s heart, you used to be such a good girl!” He wailed. 

“Danna-”

“Don’t start with me you pretty boy child thief!” 

Gin’s sword sliced across the lock before swiping Kagura up off the ground underneath his arm and hauling Shinpachi up with the other. “Hijikata-kuuuun! Guess who just confessed to orchestrating the whole thing to drag the Shinsengumi name in the mud!” Gin sang, grinning manically.

Kagura shot her boyfriend a mournful look. “I’ll be back for you!!” she called dramatically.

Sougo struck a pose, hand at his chest as he heard Hijikata zooming down towards them. “Save yourself Kagura! I’ll hold him off!” 

Jostling in Gin’s grip, Shinpachi rolled his eyes. Even dating they were still idiots. 

It was only later as Gin stumbled home with them that Kagura realized Sougo had called her by her name. 

\---OOO----

 

Gin had taken them both home and after forty minutes of sulky silent treatment, he finally gave in after Shinpachi bribed him with three parfaits, one strawberry, one chocolate, and one both. It was somewhere between finishing the second and starting his third that Gin sniffed dramatically and waved his spoon lazily. “So? Aren’t you going to tell your tired Gin-san about your shenanigans? I’ve gotten old enough to live vicariously through the youth.”

Kagura’s eyes lit up as her hands smacked the table in excitement, “We took down a gang Gin-chan and I broke a loser’s bo in one hit and it was so cool and everyone cheered, yes.” 

“I saw a guy with a dead snake as a necklace, so that was weird.” Shinpachi added.

Gin curled his nose, “That’s a waste of a good snake,” just as Kagura pinched Shinpachi’s mouth together, “Be quiet glasses, you’re boring.”

“And you know! The sadist and me were swinging from the ropes like Tarazan and it was really fun, you should do it Gin-san, it’s good for your core, and-” her gaze shot to the delicious bite of ice cream drenched in strawberry sauce and she licked her lips, opening her mouth hopefully.

Gin sighed some more, lifting his spoon up obediently. As he watched her beam through the strawberry sauce, he thought for sure this was true love if he’d ever seen it. The best bite, given to a brat who had nearly given him a heart attack. But still, he couldn’t help but acknowledge, as he watched those two gush about their past few weeks and look to him for approval, that he felt completely at ease. It had been a long time since he mattered like this to anyone, and all his griping aside, he was glad everyone was back where they should be.

That being said, he was absolutely not pleased when that despicable daughter stealing bazooka carrying hooligan showed up at his door in the middle of the night as if he was being sneaky. No one snuck up on Gin-san! Gin stared out from between the curtains and rolled his eyes. That idiot cop was as dramatic as they came. Instead of climbing up the stairs like a normal person, Sougo had decided to climb the pole and dangled from the wrong end of the balcony as Kagura stuck half her body out the window to face him rather than opening the door and meeting him outside.

Why couldn’t they just be normal?

They were so bad at sneaking around they’d probably be more subtle if they just walked in. 

“Why do I have to do this again?” Sougo drawled, legs wound tightly around the wooden beam.

“It’s romantic yes!” Kagura insisted, “Like Gnomeo and Juliet.”

Sougo rolled his eyes, “You know that was just a shitty remake right? Although you probably wouldn’t even understand the original.” He sneered.

Kagura snarled, “Hahh?! Come say that to my face asshole.”

She had leaned so far out the window she was practically falling out and Sougo at this point had just flipped over so they knocked heads. 

“Are you blind China? Or have you not noticed the direct eye contact?”

“You’re so ugly I lost my eye sight.” She retorted, lifting her face against his so her breath lingered on his lips.

“Your voice is so loud I went deaf.” He shot back before kissing her furiously. 

They pulled back, laughter in their eyes before Sougo wrapped his hands around her waist to pull her out the window and set her on the floor of the balcony, her legs draped across his legs, his arm wrapped around her waist. Kagura looked up at him and couldn’t help her smile. “You’re an idiot. But I really like you, yes.” 

Sougo felt his entire brain short-circuit, looking away so she wouldn’t notice. But he was sure she did by her self-satisfied snort and how she leaned into his chest to look up at the thin clouds drifting across the starry sky. “You see that dot over there?” She asked softly, “The one kinda glowing green, yes?” 

Sougo squinted, following her finger to see where she was pointing, “Apparently they have flesh eating plants there.” She declared, looking positively giddy. 

“No way. That’s crazy.” His voice picking up. 

“Right! Let’s go see them.” 

Sougo hummed in consideration, “I guess we could. Wouldn’t that be a cool present to bring home? Maybe it’ll eat Hijikata-san.” He mused.

“I hear they smell nice. So we could give it to him as a gift.” Kagura offered, tracing little circles on his hand.

“I’ve never liked you more.” Sougo said seriously, his lips quirking up as she laughed against his neck.

“What other weird planet facts do you know?” He asked, leaning his head against the wall and looking out into infinite possibilities.

Kagura tapped her chin, “Hmm…Mami used to tell me about this one place where it rains diamonds. But apparently it’s super dangerous yes, and almost everyone who’s gone has died.” Her voice trailed off and Sougo was pretty sure they had the exact same idea at the exact same time. 

Man was she perfect. 

They turned to each other, a half-baked idea and a whole lot of idiotic courage roaring in their veins. “Do you wanna go-” they asked simultaneously before both replying with an enthusiastic, “YES.”

A door slamming startled them into jumping apart. Gin-san, his hair a mess and looking frazzled beyond repair stood over them, grabbing Sougo by the arm and chucking him off the balcony. “Who gave you permission to go on death missions young lady?! I won’t allow it!”

“Gin-chan!” 

“Absolutely not! We can only have one near death experience per arc, otherwise it’s too much for poor Gin-san to handle!!”

“We’ll bring some back for you boss.” Sougo said quite seriously.

Gin glared, “OUT!” 

\---OOO----

Lounging in the park, Shinpachi, Kagura, and Sougo glanced at a wandering ice cream truck and into their empty wallets. 

“I can’t believe we’re broke again.” Sougo sighed, looking mournful.

“I’ve gotten used to a certain lifestyle, yes! They can’t just do this to me!” Kagura whined, dramatically throwing herself across a picnic table. 

“Well…” Shinpachi started, finger stroking his lip, “we didn’t lose everythiiing.” Shinpachi said thoughtfully.

Two wide pairs of eyes looked at him like he was a lifeboat. 

Twenty minutes later, the three of them looked again at the half-standing warehouse somewhat guiltily before passing through the caution tape and entering the broken building. “I think they kept it somewhere in the front.” Sougo said, eyes flitting around, arms lazily locked behind his head.

“Found it!” Kagura cried, tugging off a fallen pipe from the dented safe. 

Miraculously, it had survived the damage, looking worse for wear, but still locked. Shinpachi turned the giant dial quickly, pulling it twice before it creaked open to reveal piles and piles of cash. “Shinpachi, you switched the real money for play money ages ago. Why are we here?” 

Shinpachi pushed his glasses up so they glinted in the light prefacing his next words with a deep chuckle. “Did I though?” He reached into the safe tossing out stacks and stacks of at home printed bills until he found two bunches of authentic money.

“No way.” Sougo breathed.

“You two used to fan the bills a lot for kicks, so I needed to add in some real money so no one could suspect anything. I usually kept it in the front, but it must have gotten jumbled around during the fall in.” 

Kagura leapt onto him, rubbing his head against her collar, “Shinpachi you GENUIS! You’re not just a pair of glasses after all!” she cheered.

“I’VE ALWAYS BEEN MORE THAN A PAIR OF GLASSES!” 

Sougo flipped through the bills counting it, looking a little put out when he was done. Shinpachi shrugged, looking only a little apologetic, “I know it’s not much…”

Sougo shook his head, giving him a small smile, “You’re supposed to take us out for dinner remember? This’ll be enough for even that glutton.” 

Kagura scowled, face softening when Sougo tugged her in to hold her close against his side. Shinpachi shook his head grinning, “You two never change do you.” He clapped his hands together, “Well come on then, we’re technically all still grounded so we only have an hour and a half before Hijikata realizes Okita-san isn’t on patrol and Gin-san comes back from his drinking binge.” He tugged at his friends’ hands, leading them out the door. 

It was only later that he would realize that he had been walking alone at the front the entire time so that Sougo and Kagura could dawdle behind him, taking their time and holding hands. They bickered amongst themselves yet still kept such stupidly fond looks on their faces and suddenly, Shinpachi felt like crying. Was this always going to be his life? A pair of glasses, a forever third wheel, when would he finally graduate to personhood!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad I finished this up, thank you everyone for commenting and leaving kudos, you really helped motivate me. Let me know what you think and I hope you look forward to the rest of my stories I have lined up!


	6. Chapter 6

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